Ah, Wiltshire; get shot of that big pile of stones off the A303 and you’d have a fine county. For heritage sites, I point you to Avebury and Swindon magic roundabout instead. And Cranborne Chase for the hills.
Not a county for the heritage Pub Man or Woman, though Swindon’s Hop Kettle is where I finished the England section of the GBG and I expect it’s now a Grade I listed building.
A pleasantly shaped county, I always think.
And I’d start in the middle, a very good place to start.
Rather like Newmarket, not as smart as you might imagine, but gorgeous in parts, and the best pubs aren’t the ones selling 6X.
So I’ve picked the one selling 6X, anyway.
Just before that Covid lockdown we parked our campervan in a Devizes car park, Mrs RM set up her toilet, and we ended the night in the F.U.N. pub.
I talk about the WOW ! moment in pubs, once a month at best I reckon, and about the moment Geoff was screaming “Two thousand holes in Blackburn LANCASHIRE” it all made perfect sense.
And then the ladies arrived.
What a night. It’s what pubs are all about.
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But what is Swindon about ?
Well, there’s an Old Town full of craft bars and taps, and a New Town full of Spoons and ex-Yates and worse/better. And the Glue Pot, tucked away in the rather quaint old streets.
A simple Hop Back pub, simple but timeless.
Hop Back Summer Lightning at its best, so why oh why (oh why) did I go for a pint of Hecks Kingston Black ?
That night, I ended up eating a Spoons curry I didn’t want. Only cider can do that.
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Since 2018 wise men have travelled from the east to visit Salisbury Cathedral, “famous not just in Europe, but in the whole world. It’s famous for its 123-metre spire, it’s famous for its clock, the first one [of its kind] ever created in the world, which is still working.”
Some folk even make two trips, in the same holiday.
Retired Martin drives past that 123 metre spire annually on the way to his music festival, with occasional forays into a mixed pub scene.
Yes, yes, the mummified hand (yawn), but you know you need to visit the Rugby Club on the edge of town at Old Sarum.
Salisbury Rugby Club – Salisbury
practically a heritage site in waiting.
Honestly, coming here will give you a particular perspective on life.
“Blokes in check shirts drinking Thatchers and discussing interest rate differentials were my only company. I was rather distracted by Raheem Sterling’s late goal and sending-off down the road at Bournemouth, clearly being shown for my sole benefit.“
Who says rugby (union) folk have no humour.
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Talking of Salisbury and my annual nu-folk fest reminds me that the bar at End of the Road is technically in Wiltshire, even if the campsite is in Dorset.
End of the Road Festival, Larmer Gardens, Cranborne Chase
You ought to visit this festival once in your life. Wait till late August and pick up weekend tickets for £100 and enjoy artists called Paranoid London, Upchuck, and Colossal Squid, who I’m sure will all be great.
What I can’t assure you is that the cask bar won’t run out of Downton by Friday, or you might have to queue up behind a man with a tail for your can of 8% Deya,
or that you may decide by Sunday that beer is rubbish and warm cider is The Future.
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And finally, because I feel a bit sorry for it;
Yes, Chippenham. No Russians have caught the train here, not even once, but folk do come here from Melksham for a kebab and a fight, so that’s OK.
Yes, I’ve picked the micro with the tables on the pavement, rather than the Flying Monk.
“No space inside but Chipz imports a microclimate from Torquay and it was pleasant sitting on the outside table watching lads queue for doner kebabs. Really, it was, I’m easily pleased.“
I like drinking a foot from cars, and quirky toilet humour,
and because the beer (“Brizzle Haze”, NBSS 4) was the best I remember in Wiltshire.
Oh, and the worst beer,
but one of nicest pub exteriors came in Mere.
I’d almost recommend you stop there and swerve the cask.
But I’m sure you have better ideas for the sixth pick.
retiredmartin 
I was in the Glue Pot the day before my fortieth birthday.
The Archers brewer was sat down reading the Sun.
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A man who is bored of Swindon is bored of life. Or was it Lichfield ?
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I’m rather fond of the pile of stones. My friends and I invaded it in midsummer 1981, avoiding druids and new age travellers but unfortunately not Neolithic security who chucked us out. Saw the sun come up over the Hele Stone though. I have to say Avebury’s better however.
The Pelican and the Glue Pot are excellent. The Lamb and the British Lion in Devizes are mighty fine too. The Raven in Poulshot isn’t too shabby either. I was going to shout out for the Smoking Dog in Malmesbury but WhatPub tells me it’s long term closed. Pah!
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The most overrated thing since Coldplay. What are they even for ? Rubbish.
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I read that they were for a proto-sport, which eventually evolved into something called “football”, Martin, although there are now only two goals rather than a complete ring of them.
Yes, as you say…
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A plausible explanation.
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Oh yes the Smoking Dog was great !
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