GBG pubs near Stonehenge are a rarity.
Of course, such is the traffic on the A303 it’s not actually possible to get to Stonehenge, never mind the treasures beyond (Yeovil) unless you left 3 weeks ago. See “Notes From A Small Island” for more detail.
They should knock down these silly stones that serve no purpose,
and build a 3 lane motorway. It would complement Amesbury’s many chain dining treasures.
Luckily our route from Devizes avoids the crowds and
“The East Chisenbury midden is a large dump of archaeological material, dating to the 1st millennium BC. Now within a military training area, the midden mound contains discrete layers of flint, charcoal, bones, pottery and excrement“. Sounds fun.
We park at All Saints, ignoring Pevsner’s instruction to admire the astonishing chancel,
and spend the half hour before the Swan opens trying to find signs of life.
Two gentlefolk say “Good Morning” which translates on the Salisbury Plain as “Good Morning“. In Surrey it means “What you trying to steal ?”.
The Swan opens on the dot of noon, Mrs RM grabs a seat and is immediately asked politely to move away from the dining area when she says we’re in for a drink (it being a pub and all).
I study the three beers you’ve never heard of.
Southern gastropubs are legally required to have three handpumps as an affectation, along with beams and hunting prints, to prove they’re a pub, and score extra points in the Good Pub Guide if they’re beers you’ve never heard of and will never see again.
I pick the Pirate since I had it the day before (dull) and am keen to find out if it’s any better today but it isn’t (NBSS 2).
Never mind, there’s Ed Sheeran and lots of standing on ceremony and weird Easter displays and a family ordering four (4) packets of crisps. “Blue crisps” says Dad; “And greeeen crisps” says Emily, 6 (six).
We’ve been moved to the room with a darts board, of course, but having said we’re only in for a drink the nice lady arrived and lays out the knives and forks and gives us the menu.
It’s a nice gastro menu, “bed of silky smooth cauliflower* puree“, but we resist.
“Still, it’s a tick” says Mrs RM. By jove, she’s getting the idea.
*Don’t worry, it’s not Colin !
retiredmartin 
A “bed of silky smooth cauliflower* puree“ might be even worse than GBBF broccoli.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m struggling to think of anything less appetising than “a bed of silky smooth cauliflower puree“ – and I’m a vegan!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Broccoli better ?
LikeLike
I do prefer broccoli to cauliflower. Well, not broccoli puree, obviously.
LikeLike
Once again I’m lost in admiration for the way you hold back your disdain for some of these pubs that Camra insist you must go and tick, at least until you’re out of the door and you can drop a few hints to your many followers. Chapeau!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love all pubs, Will. They all have humanity, if not enjoyment, and I guess you can appreciate that. If all pubs were the Kelham Island Tavern or the Blake life would be dull.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s always confusing to me why you visit all these restaurants.
LikeLiked by 2 people
These restaurants keep literally hundreds of hobby brewers in business !
LikeLike
Well, yes. Humanity. Though sometimes the staff seem to have been trained to provide robotic detachment.
And if the background music is too loud I can’t hear all those interesting snippets that you are so adept at picking up.
Unless you’re making them up to amuse us? No, surely not. If you were that inventive you’d have written a novel or six by now.
LikeLike
Curiously, “flint, charcoal, bones, pottery and excrement” were the tasting notes I gave for a pastry sour recently!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always read it as “pasty stout”, and pasties are made of animal bones and gristle, aren’t they ?
LikeLike
Only the best ones are! Having already done cheese & onion crisps and M*rmite, it’s only a matter of time before someone decides to park a few pasties in the brew kettle… probably with a Ginster’s tie-in, to really let their craft credentials shine…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Was East Chisenbury the site of an early Good Day Out?
LikeLike