retiredmartin

You left Mrs RM and myself in the Conwy Valley Hotel, a motel 5 miles south of town with ’80s discos and keg Lees MPA. You may be horrified to learn I resisted (both).

While many travellers succumb to the on-site overpriced breakfast, it’s pretty much retiredmartin policy to NEVER eat at the hotel, and in the morning we headed for central Conwy, a small walled town where it is impossible to get lost, as we shall find out.

The underpass from the Long Stay car park (marked – look !) is full of colourful art warning you against drinking Felinfoel Double Dragon (“Not what it was in April 1983” – P. Mudge, Stafford),

and a lovely painting saying “Croeso”, which is the name of a cafe bar in Mumbles.

Conwy is gorgeous, the Lewes of the North (Wales), and one of the best pubbed towns along the A55.

But far quieter than expected on Friday morning (still in Welsh Easter, too). The council have stopped motorhomes parking up for free underneath the shadow of Telford’s suspension bridge and not every retired Englishman can afford the £100+ being charged for hotels in town.

I was taken aback by the cost of the excellent Eggs Benedict and flat whites at 2 The Square, however good, a couple of quid more than you’d have thought, though perhaps Sheffield prices are not the best comparator. The end of reduced VAT and higher costs are hitting hard. The case for a Conwy Spoons ?

Never mind, parking is cheap enough and the views across to the Orme and the castle are free and we’re lucky to be alive and not in Mansfield or Reigate, I say.

And I have a pub to tick. It’s 20 minutes round the coast at the marina, which means I get to see storks and street art. I will NOT be voting for Guto Kebab, and if that breaks purdah rules I don’t care.

Your GBG newbie is a Robinson’s new build at the boats.

Let your joy be unconfined !

Oh, suit yourself. Mrs RM was looking for positives, and enjoyed the opportunity to order at the bar.

I’ll also give it an extra 0.25 NBSS for being open earlier (at 11am) than advertised.

Ducking to avoid the coracle attached to the ceiling,

I strode confidently to the bar.

FOUR ! Who needs FOUR beers in 2022 ?

Well, not a Welsh tourist town, that’s for sure. The pub is smart and efficient and keeping the local youth in gainful employment*, but the Unicorn was a solid NBSS 2.75 (that quarter point saved it).

Loads of history on the walls,

and a soundtrack that veered dangerously between 1987 (the Eurythmics, Luther Vandross) to the mid-70s, which I don’t remember apart from Gary Glitter and Donny Osmond.

1980s soundtrack, 2022 prices. A half and a coffee well over £6.

In Malaga this week, you could drink yourself under the bar with sherry tasters for £6. I know.

*I’ve never seen so many staff in a pub, one even moved my coffee half way along the bar counter to make it easier to take the 2 yards to the table.