It took a while, but the overloaded Taylor Campervan finally rumbled in to Scotland on Saturday morning, resisting the urge to stop in Gretna and renew marriage vows over a pint of Youngers Scotch or whatever folk do there.
Instead, we stopped for a GBG tick lunch stop in Annan, a place that had long appealed. A town of 8,389 with a football club who stole Gretna’s league place, won at (new)Rangers in 2013, and head the embryonic 2018-19 Division Two, tucked in behind my own Scottish team.
I guess Annan‘s tourist trade is embryonic as well, but at least that means there’s plenty of wide streets to leave your campervan while you explore the town.
Let’s not lie. It’s no happy Hawick. Or marvellous Moffat. Or surprising Selkirk. But it’s better than garish Gretna, if that counts for anything. The Tourist Board can have All’right Annan for the price of a pint of Deuchars.
We start at the “Welcome to Annan” sign, sponsored by Caspian Pizza, which is nice.
The next sign we see is just plain weird. So Mrs RM makes me record it for posterity.
It’s believed the sign refers to the 17th century practice of locals gleefully watching dogs rip craft beer delivery drivers to shreds.
Mrs RM suddenly needed a “comfort break”, and got a bit annoyed as I stopped to record some fascinating fascia.
Annan had more Chinese takeaways than churches, always/never a good sign, and we had to restrain ourselves when seeing this bargain.
The civic heart of Annan is the sort that makes you feel you should be impressed without knowing why. Plants sprouting out of stone buildings is always a good sign though (see: Halifax).
And the few hotels hint at a grandeur that faded with the ending of the bacon-curing industry (thanks Wiki).
Just one real ale pub for miles around, and it’s right at the end of town, so if there were any craft beer bars or brewery taps we’d have seen them walking to the Blue Bell, wouldn’t we ?
Our only distraction was the excellent Marchbank Bakers where we acquired this nutritious treat for 75p. The rural economy saved for another week.
Scotland may be rubbish at black pudding but it excels at calorific cakes.
Scotland also has two distinct types of inn. The posh ones like the Buccleuch where guests claim descendancy from Robert the Bruce, and the boozers where the last overnight guest actually was Robert the Bruce.
Luckily for me, unluckily for Mrs RM, the Blue Bell is in the latter camp, performing the same vital role as a Wetherspoons on Barking or Barrow. A haven for Professional Drinkers. The “One Punch Is All It Takes” sign seemed a little unnecessary, but we weren’t testing the PDs anger levels by asking about craft.
If there hadn’t been a “call of nature” issue, Mrs RM would have stood outside. She’d have missed an impressive interior with great seating, and cheery locals.
Music by Kesha (stylised K$sha), beer by Caledonian(NBSS 3 if I’m generous), styling from 1958, toilets to steal and take home with you.
No Tennents, shamefully, so the locals were on the Carling and Fosters. “You’ve won the England T-shirt” shouted our Landlady to the Carling drinker, without a hint or irony.
It’s coming home, lads.
retiredmartin 
Those urinal dividers harken back to an era when they knew how to build toilets. Not the crummy little metal dividers we get these days.
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Happy to collect CAMRA magazines for you on my travels, Dave, but I draw the line at urinals.
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Yes, build them like a proper brick shit house.
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Martin, were we separated at birth? You’ve just blogged about two of my favourite pubs of all time, The Agricultural and The Blue Bell, we share the same taste in pint glasses and we both have Albion Rovers as our Scottish team (my mates and I made a special trip from Bristol to Coatbridge once to see them play Falkirk) I need to know.
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Were you born in a potato field in the Fens too?
Blue Bell is a lovely pub, probably best on a Saturday night. Any of your favourites in Dumfries ?
On Albion, I am DEFINITELY getting to Cliftonhill this new season.
https://retiredmartin.com/2017/06/08/the-sunnyside-of-coatbridge/
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No, I was born on a coal mine spoil heap in Northeast Wales. Ah well.
Liked The Globe in Dumfries last time I was there. Dunno if if it’s in the GBG as I don’t have access to a copy in my Shetlandic exile.
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Every Scottish town worthy of the name has an impressive civic tower.
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“The next sign we see is just plain weird.”
Luckily I didn’t stop searching after finding the Urban Dictionary definition (NSFW!). Instead I kept digging and found it’s Scottish vernacular for petting. 🙂
(but then again, ‘heavy petting’ over here could indeed lead to something NSFW)
“and the boozers where the last overnight guest actually was Robert the Bruce.”
(slow golf clap)
“A haven for Professional Drinkers.”
I think that might partly explain the “One Punch” poster. 😉
“It’s coming home, lads.”
Hopefully for the next game my bloody cable and Internet won’t go AWOL with 20 minutes left in regulation time! 😦
Cheers
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So “clap” is “stroke”. Genuinely in awe of you, Russ. 👍
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Every time I see that ‘Belhaven Best’ sign, I wonder what their ‘worst’ is like and shudder.
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Caspian Pizza really pushed the boat out with that signage!
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Yeh, won a design award and everything.
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I thought as much
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“The overloaded Taylor Campervan finally rumbled in to Scotland on Saturday morning” – overloaded with “craft beer” for locals eager to beat minimum pricing ?
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Do you mean bottles of Bass?
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Well, it’s from Lancashire so not the Proper Bass but they might not know the difference and it will surely be better than Belhaven Best.
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Overloaded with one bottle of Bass and one bottle of Wrexham lager, so, yes, craft.
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Looking as that first photograph I doubt if Police Scotland are as successful with cartoon characters as Tiny Rebel.
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I had to do Google “Robert the Bruce” to fully appreciate your joke, but I must say the extra effort was well worth it. 🙂
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But, but – surely you saw Mel Gibson’s Braveheart ? Aren’t all Americans experts on Scottish history !
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I missed Braveheart, actually, and as a result have struggled to catch the ensuing references all these years!
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But you’ve seen the Ted Danson documentary on Loch Ness, I trust ?
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The sign should, at a minimum, read “DON’T CLAP THE DUGS” though preferably “DINNAE CLAP THE DUGS”.
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I see the Sunday Dinner is advertised from 4.30pm to 8.30pm.
It’s not just Chinese takeaways in Scotland but pubs in England where Sunday Lunch seems to be getting later and later.
1pm is about right for me.
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This is Scotland. Continental rules apply.
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