I’m not sure Mrs RM is enjoying her contract in the Borders as much as I am; I hope the tired Greene King IPA and deep fried haggis at our hotel are compensation for being shouted at because Scots can’t find the “On” button.

Only one day ’till Kelso, which I hope you’ll find exciting as I promised (checks notes). Oh yes, it will be.

Coldstream wasn’t bad, either.  Smaller than I remember, just a sign at the bridge, a money-changing booth and three pubs along Kelso road. The Guards did a duff job of keeping us out.


And both its real ale outlets taunting me from Page 637 of the Guide.

Look how much pink today !

Into the bosom of the Besom, as Mrs RM would say.

No it isn’t

The lounge looks closed, and in the cosy bar three locals, friendly enough, settled in for the evening.

I wait for Mrs RM to say the immortal line,

I haven’t come all this way to drink beer from down the road !”

Oh no not the thin glass

But she’s already sat down in the undeniably plush back seat, her Pipers order placed.

Look closely at the top photo and you’ll see a full display of Brigg’s finest exports. I opt for the Wissington Tomato (NCSS 4). The Gunner tasted decent, though this was a Tennent’s pub.

Proper seats, beer mats, umbrellas

Also a  “Proper Pub“, more akin to Ayr’s town boozers than the ornate palaces of Edinburgh that Mrs RM is getting acquainted with on Monday nights.

Recipe for a proper Sunday night

The three at the bar took turns to smoke in the Sunday drizzle, showing little interest at all in Rochdale’s 94th minute equalizer against Spurs. How I love it when top Premiership sides come a cropper at third tier teams !

Hikety Hakety Hokety Hi” *

says the chap in the middle, which translates as “That Harry Kane, he’s no good“. Disdain for Harry Kane is a viable for many of these blog posts. Except the Antwerp Arms in Tottenham.

My notes also mention “Vicar chased down the road” and “cold front on the way“, at least one of which will be in the Daily Mirror and therefore true.

As we left they were running through a list of BBC salaries and excoriating the stars concerned. “Chris Evans gets £2.25m for THAT nonsense“.

A great start to Coldstream, with ever better/worse/weirder to come.

“Harry Kane, he’s no good”

Sleep well.


* If you know what it means I’m you’ll tell me






    1. I think the chorus might have some parallels here?…

      “I’m singing a higgity, haggity hoggety, high
      Pub bloggers, they never say die
      Half a mile up the road there’s a hidden pub
      And we can watch those craft beardies
      Go galloping by

      “Duh, Paw? Are you sure this is the right road?”
      “Will you hush up? You and your maps!”

      Liked by 2 people

  1. “And both its real ale outlets”

    You need to train Si on the difference between its and it’s. 🙂

    “Into the bosom of the Besom, as Mrs RM would say.”

    Considering besom is slang for hussy I think getting into that kind of bosom would be easy peasy. 🙂

    “Recipe for a proper Sunday night”

    Ok, why does the bag of Piper’s have to announce “made by farmers”?

    Of course it’s made by farmers; they’re the ones who grow the potatoes! 😉

    “* If you know what it means I’m you’ll tell me”

    I’m not even sure what THAT means. (heh)



    1. For Besom, not quite the Scots meaning. And I doubt Martin is really mad enough to print in public that he thinks Mrs. RM is getting a bit above herself – in this case I just think Martin is taking after Mr.T and getting obsessed with curling (and after the charms of watching Cambridge, who can blame him).
      We’re probably going to see him take up Crown Bowls in the near future as a more befitting way to pass time before he moves to Perth or Kilsyth and takes up the real stuff.


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