
The Spanish Inquisition lady in Corfe Castle was intrigued by the fact I’d been to Swanage as a chubby 11 year old in THAT summer of 76, and asked if I thought it had changed.
“Enough”.
“Oh dear”
But I wasn’t complaining. Everywhere has to change a bit, or we’d all be drinking mild at a shilling a pint on bench seats with cheese cobs the only food.

This was a third return in six years after 40 years absence and I still get a frisson of excitement when I see the guest house

and the souvenir shops from which in 76 I bought a plastic statue of Dennis Tueart and a poster of Bjorn Borg.

It’s a resort for undemanding children, and ducks, one of which was nicking chips merrily by the docks.

The beach is OK, there’s better 10 miles west, but young and old seem to be having fun in Swanage.

Remember fun? Course you don’t.

My tick, the Black Swan, opens at a miserable 5pm. What happened to all day drinking ?


There’s a 40th birthday party being set up in the garden, luckily not closing the whole pub,

and an indecisive couple, the wife mesmerised by hubbies decision to “try an ale”. Finally.


You can guess which one he had. The one with the silly name. So I did too (cool, chewy 3.5).
But remember, Worth Matravers is but 10 minutes away. What are you doing here ?
Bit less crowded than Worth Matravers would be a selling point.
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Good point. Haven’t been there for 6 years. You been I assume ?
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Yes and it is lovely. Dick thought it too crowded to enjoy. What a view. What an interior.
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Yes, it was very crowded. It was a bank holiday though, wasn’t it? So we expected a crowd.
How many pubs did you tick in 1976?
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None. I think I ticked 87 ice cream vendors.
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Stop sugar coating your negative reaction to a classic pub.
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Oh yes, didn’t I think it was a bit middle-class ?
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Have you still got the statue of Dennis Tueart?
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Made of plastic. Broke his leg off the plinth. Binned a year later.
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Is Tueart a cross between a Tudor and a Stuart?
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Yes, that’s the fella. Good at overhead kicks.
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Not to so good with one leg I don’t suppose.
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(slow golf clap)
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Stop maligning the ducks! I say name and shame the herring gulls – not that they’ll care.
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If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck then it IS a duck, Mike. Basic FACTS.
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Steady – you’ll have him on points of the compass next, Mike.
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I think Mike knows not to push his luck.
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You make it sound like a pint of mild for a Bob would be a bad thing.
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Who’s Bob ?
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You haven’t been watching your Blackadder recently, have you?
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Oh, that Bob. You didn’t pronounce it right.
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