IT WAS THE BOURNEMOUTH RUNNER

If you’re running out of patience with this flood of posts be warned; it gets worse.

I’m currently sitting in a waiting room at Heysham Port, having just enjoyed a gorgeous longest day on Morecambe Bay.

Better than the “longest day” in 1985, when I had to watch Spear of Destiny and U2 at Milton Keynes Bowl during a deluge.

Anyhow, onto Dorset. A rare treat, a new tick in Bournemouth, or strictly Kinson, and probably Lower Ferndown next year.

I know nothing about these suburbs of Bournemouth, a mind-numbingly relentless string of bungalows, care homes, chain pubs and takeaways (see also: Worthing) What do people see in the south coast ?

What can I tell you about Kinson ?

Well, there’s a lock-up ready for BRAPA.

And the pole invites the reader to imagine the “chastisement” to be meted out for urination offences.

The talk in the Acorn was all about offences.

A 39 year old man has been arrested in Fer..” he started. Frankly, everyone looked about 39. Then he moved on to discussing Viagra, clearly a left-back joining AFC Bournemouth next season to solidify their defence on their Premier League return.

So, how’s a real old school back-to-basics boozer made the GBG in cuddly Dorset ?

Well, firstly, many parts of Dorset aren’t THAT cuddly (see : Poole), and secondly, see those handpumps.

What did I have ? No idea, can’t read the homemade clip.

Do you take cash ?” I ask. “We take money !” the reply.

Cheers bud” he’ll say later, as I take the glass back. I like that.

It’s a great pub, the beer is rich and tasty (NBSS 3) but possibly the weakest part.

I feel part of the pub, able to chip in my two penn’orth on Viagra’s crossing ability if asked for, but also happy to be ignored when I go for a wander.

ALL pubs should have a beamed room with dart board and “Duck or Grouse” in large letters.

And racing from Chespstow above the Space Invaders table.

But not all pubs are like that, are they ?

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