MY ROLE IN THE B & Q BOOM

The first rule of blogging; if you can’t be interesting be topical.

Before this year I thought B & Q were an ’80s post-soul (?) group whose Number 40 single from July of 1985* cost me 10p a few months later in Parrot Records of Cambridge.

I was wrong. They’re a money-making machine that have just announced a 634% increase in profits as “young people” discover the joy of DIY during the lockdown, per the Guardian.

They’re wrong, too. DIY stands for Don’t Involve Yourself.

Sadly, Mrs RM DOES involve me, sending me out on (coincidentally) 634 trips to Sheffield’s megastores to pick up paint, paint removers, paint brushes and power tools. Perhaps a can of emulsifier (what ?) is the traditional present for the 29th Wedding Anniversary I’m bound to forget.

I’m not complaining; picking up paint stripper is a legally sanctioned reason to leave your house, and there aren’t enough of those.

Today I walked to 2 stores, as the closest one didn’t have the “Rust-Oleum Painter’s touch Black Satin Multi-surface Decorative spray paint, 400ml“.

A nice long walk in the South Yorkshire sun.

For legal reasons I have to make The North look a bit bleak though.

The road to B & Q won’t make a great Netflix movie in Lockdown 4.

Some nice Edwardian grandeur,

but not much in the way of ghost signs and Tetley windows as you head past Bramall Lane towards the vast expanse of retail park on Queens Road (aka A61).

If people ever get bored of home redecoration these B & Qs will make great B & Ps.

Look at that car park. It took 20 minutes to pick up the spray paint, which is more time than I spend in a pub.

On the way back I looked for a new boozer to admire.

I was saddened to see the apparent demise of the Queens Road Social Club, where in 2012 I saw Allo Darlin‘ deliver a life-changing performance that convinced me the rest of my life would be better spent watching music and drinking in pubs than behind a desk.

I was right.

It wasn’t an entirely wasted trip. The mock-Tudor Howard apparently serves Banks’s Amber, so I might be able to tempt Stafford Paul over for a visit (if I can get him away from the craft keg in the Sheffield Tap at the station).

And The Public (top) near the City Hall reminds me of a certain converted toilet in Manchester.

Job done, I’m relaxing with a can of Belgian Saison. Mrs RM hates sours and saisons so my can is safe.

As is our house. NO-ONE is getting in here with all those B & Q boxes in the porch.

Sadly, I’m not getting out either.

*Today’s quiz for you BritPopsters – which Frankie single was Number 1 when Genie made the Top 40 ?

17 thoughts on “MY ROLE IN THE B & Q BOOM

  1. “I was wrong. They’re a money-making machine that have just announced a 634% increase in profits as “young people” discover the joy of DIY during the lockdown, per the Guardian.”

    Had to do a quick search for that. Smart of them to have their website be ‘diy’. It appeared they were owned by Home Depot (some colour combo logo) but apparently they’re part of the insidious Kingfisher group. 🙂

    “DIY stands for Don’t Involve Yourself.”

    I, like you, leave that to the missus. 🙂

    “Sadly, Mrs RM DOES involve me,”

    Sigh, yup.

    “Today I walked to 2 stores, as the closest one didn’t have the “Rust-Oleum Painter’s touch Black Satin Multi-surface Decorative spray paint, 400ml“.”

    (guffaw)

    “If people ever get bored of home redecoration these B & Qs will make great B & Ps.”

    (slow golf clap) – Even I got that!

    “It took 20 minutes to pick up the spray paint, which is more time than I spend in a pub.”

    At least lately. 🙂

    “that convinced me the rest of my life would be better spent watching music and drinking in pubs than behind a desk.”

    Most would agree with that!

    “Mrs RM hates sours and saisons so my can is safe.”

    Sneaky!

    “Sadly, I’m not getting out either.”

    I’m sure Mrs RM will require you to go out for something else before the glorious 12th. 🙂

    Cheers

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Explanatory notes ref purchases from B&Q. These were for RM’s mancave, which is now in progress.
    1) “Rust-Oleum Painter’s touch Black Satin Multi-surface Decorative spray paint, 400ml”. This was to recoat RM’s aged hifi stand. I am sure there will be a photo of the hifi stand spray paint feature currently in the middle of the garden while it dries. The neighbours have politely refrained from commenting on it. Thanks be for that!
    2) Massive boxes in porch blocking front door had sofa bed in, also for the mancave. So RM has the option of sleeping in his mancave as well as playing his music loud….warning, warning!
    3) Fixings for rehanging the mancave door, pictures and shelving also purchased for mancave from B&Q. If RM is really lucky he might get a trip to Dunelm tomorrow to pick up cushion inserts for sofabed while the electrician is here putting extra sockets in his mancave ready for his hifi.
    4) RM has a hifi with about a hundred black boxes and a shed full of leads connecting up the boxes and overloading the house electrics. Mrs RM takes no responsibility for connecting the boxes up and getting the hifi to work. She is solely responsible for connecting the NAS drive, which has RMs CDs ripped on it, to the one hifi box which belongs to 21st century.
    5) I bet you all can’t wait for further mancave updates!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I do love that we’re now getting Mrs. RM updates in the comments section, offering corrections– er, I mean further enlightening detail, of course– related to your posts.

    In my case I feel I’m nearing the end of the “home improvement” phase of the pandemic now. There’s only so much carpentry and painting I can tolerate!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Think I too have just about had enough now. Been a good lockdown project and break from work when options are limited. But entertainment further afield is beckoning as we hopefully move out of a very long and dreadful lockdown. Hope you have some freedom too Mark.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Late to the party but interested on views on Banks Bitter on draught ..@89p a bottle from Aldi or Tesco I find this a satisfying glug ( only 3.8 % abv) even with the tautology of ” Amber Bitter” in the strapline..I can convince myself its ” better ” than some craft bitters at 5 quid a can 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. When Banks’s pubs regularly shifted three hogsheads of Mild or Bitter a week, through metered electric pubs, it could be expected to be just as good as at the Brewery in Wolverhampton three years ago but nowadays there’s just not the turnover.
        The bottled version couldn’t be as good but probably would be ” better ” than some craft bitters at 5 quid a can.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi Martin ..one Ghost ship in to the evening and ive posted in reply to “Mudgie ” rather than your link to the Brewery tour – thanks again any roads . I hope to sample the draught Banks one day ….

        Liked by 1 person

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