The Official RetiredMartin guide to your 2021 “Staycation”

What you giggling at ?” asked Mrs RM, inbetween giggling at something on Facefriend.

She knows full well what I’m giggling at. It’s either Russ’s comments on my blog, a tweet about a kitten, or a mum on Mumsnet planning a holiday;

It’s easy to forget that many Londoners (and it’s always Londoners) have never travelled north of that Hatfield and the North sign, and believe Roger Protz’s Great North Road is a work of fiction.

And the rest of Mumsnet is terrified of anywhere that hasn’t featured in a Times Travel Supplement;

Yes, folks, you should avoid the southern part of Scotland, particularly west of Glasgow presumably.

If you’ve never been there, do not underestimate just how not-warm Scotland is in August. Feel free to pack shorts, sundresses, sandals and T shirts in case of a miraculous hot spell, but resign yourself to the likelihood of wearing jeans, trainers and a jacket all week“.

Oh, and don’t forget to stick our counties in nice boxes marked “walks” and “cake” and “sand”.

Derbyshire for walking and hiking, cake and traditional villages and cakes etc

Breaking news : Worksop has cake. On second thoughts, best keep the pashminas out of Worksop Spoons;

Apparently all of the UK is already booked this year anyway, or hideously expensive.

I looked at a woodland lodge with hot tub this morning. 2 beds. 2.5k for a week.

I can do better than that, as I told Blue Moon yesterday.

Sunderland, you say ?

Yes, treat yourself.

And if you MUST have a hot tub

The clue there is in the word “Londoners”.

And yes, I DO know a Staycation is when you stay in your own home. Sunderland is a holiday.

32 thoughts on “The Official RetiredMartin guide to your 2021 “Staycation”

  1. This made me laugh a lot ! We usually have a couple of holidays & several weekend breaks in the Uk -I get so frustrated that people have no idea where to go (Mumsnet looks a hoot -I will,however not be tempted into viewing it ) We won’t book anything for a while & are thinking maybe October -just hope all these Johnny come latelys have departed with their offspring..I hope the word staycation is banned -I will never use it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And to show absolutely no interest in exploring parts of the country that don’t feature on TV Holiday programmes or Condé Nast magazines. As Mrs RM will tell you, many people couldn’t place Sheffield on the map. Or Sunderland. Or Southport.


  2. Hatfield and the North – another spin-off band from the ever fertile, “Canterbury Scene.” See also Wilde Flowers, Soft Machine and Caravan.

    Canterbury was a great place to hang out, back in the early 70’s, and just a short bike ride and train journey away, for a young Kentish Paul. (Don’t tell Mumsnet, though!)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Are you referring to the “Gateway to Kent Guide?” It picked up the award for best local CAMRA guide, back in 2010. I was present at the AGM in the IOM that year, when the award was announced and the certificate presented.

        Who wouldn’t exchange the odd cloud of volcanic ash, for what’s going on at the moment?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The only thing wrong with that AGM weekend was the cloud of volcanic ash that made the trains and boats dreadfully crowded with those that otherwise would have flown.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thanks.
        I had planned including t’Gateway during a day out on t’trams while staying in Manchester again last year but of course the coronavirus prevented that.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. If you are thinking of the ‘local guide’ produced on, I think, two sides of A4 in the early 80s, then I wrote a chunk of that but it covered only about seven pubs – possibly the smallest local guide ever and what would now be called a micro-guide. We (South West London Branch) didn’t follow up this idea and cover other areas but joined with other London branches to produce an overall South West London guide. It was organised by Postal Districts but as the average non-CAMRA user had little idea of how the numbered districts related to actual places that they had heard of, I managed to get a short introduction included for each one – at the price of writing them myself. There is only one deliberate mistake, which no-one to my knowledge has ever found..


      5. The guides I remember from South-west Londonwere from about ’98 (I used to make regular trips to CAMRA HQ to buy the local pub guides) and cost £2 or so. Could have been Morden but I recall that “Gateway to the South” tag.


      6. Ian,
        The 30 pub Staffordshire Rail Travelers’ Guide of the 1980s was four sides of A5 so the same size as two sides of A4.


    1. Thanks for the video version of Bal-ham, Paul.

      I didn’t know that someone had run on with the Sellers sound recording.

      I’m not sure which pictures were the best, mind you?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I didn’t know about this version either, Etu. The script for both versions was originally written by veteran duo Frank Muir and Dennis Norden, according to the narrative on YouTube.


  3. “She knows full well what I’m giggling at. It’s either Russ’s comments on my blog,”

    (blushes and shuffles feet) Aw, shucks. 🙂

    “We’ve never had a holiday in this country to be honest so I’m clueless!”

    Blimey! Definitely spot on about the clueless bit though. 🙂

    “expect a different kind of holiday to one you’d get in Spain or Portugal”

    There’s that clueless thing again. (LOL)

    “I looked at a woodland lodge with hot tub this morning. 2 beds. 2.5k for a week.“

    Guffaw. Good to know ‘upper crust’ is pretty much the same anywhere. 🙂

    “Yes, treat yourself.”

    As of next year I’ll be able to partake of Patsy’s £2.80 special. 😉

    “And if you MUST have a hot tub…”

    Yes, but if you want the REAL bubbles (without resorting to farting) this is the best way:

    “And yes, I DO know a Staycation is when you stay in your own home.”

    Huh. I always thought it was staying in your own country (or area if said country is too bloody big).



    1. You’ll incur the wrath of the Mudgies and me with your staycation nonsense, Russ. A staycation is when you stay where you are and go out on trips from home, which from Cambridge could be the coast, the cinema, London etc etc.


  4. My comment above was meant to follow on from mention of ‘Gateway to the South’ – the burst of activity as people got up has placed it slightly out of context.

    Liked by 1 person

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