AN UNEXPECTED NAME AT THE TOP OF THE COVID LEAGUE

Beer Guide tickers, all 7 of us, seem very keen on stats. The % of new entries in the Guide, odds of a GBG22, and the decline in Covid rates required for pubs to reopen for GBG22 comes out.

At roughly 2pm each day we get the Covid hospital deaths courtesy of @UKcovidstats, and a couple of hours later the case rates (positive tests per 100,000 people for the last 7 days) for each Local Authority.

Until recently I could confidently have predicted the Top and Bottom 10, purely from my 56 years of observing human behaviour across the country.

But yesterday a surprise new Number 1 emerged from the pack;

Rutland ?

What, sleepy Rutland of the pashminas, public schools, appalling loo signs and tranquil waters ?

Yes, apparently so. OK, that only means 207 cases last week, but then there’s more people trying to solve the clues for that last post than live in our smallest county.

It’s only a couple of months since the residents of Stamford, condemned to Tier 3 (remember Tiers ?) were furious to discover they’d were in Lincolnshire rather than Rutland with all its (apparent) freedoms.

Every year I get to do one new Rutland tick; a cricket club, a Spoons, a gastro with sexist loos, and this year a legitimate boozer in upper class Uppingham.

It flatters to deceive. This looks like Bass but that glass is pure homebrew.

The most interesting thing about Rutland is the fertility rate. “In 2006 it was reported that Rutland has the highest fertility rate of any English county – the average woman having 2.81 children, compared with only 1.67 in Tyne and Wear”  says Wiki.

Sadly, greater fertility is rarely compatible with a greater appetite for Proper Pubs.

At 1.07am this morning, I finally confirmed that Rutland’s place atop the Covid chart is due to the presence of Her Majesty’s Prison Stocken (nearest pub the 2008 Michelin Pub of the Year).

In case you’re wondering, this place is bottom of the league (and quite happy about it).

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14 thoughts on “AN UNEXPECTED NAME AT THE TOP OF THE COVID LEAGUE

  1. “purely from my 56 years of observing human behaviour across the country.”

    Go on. 🙂

    “What, sleepy Rutland of the pashminas, public schools, appalling loo signs and tranquil waters ?”

    Don’t forget the high birth rate. Maybe a bunch of sprogs all, um, sprogged last week having inherited Covid from their birth, er, person? (I know, can’t say birth mother as it’s bad or something)

    “in upper class Uppingham.”

    For some reason, all I can think of is Monty Python’s ‘Upper Class Twit of the Year’ skit. 😉

    “This looks like Bass but that glass is pure homebrew.”

    Sacrilege!

    “Sadly, greater fertility is rarely compatible with a greater appetite for Proper Pubs.”

    I would have thought they matched nicely. They do in certain areas over here. 😉
    ( *cough* unwed mothers)

    “At 1.07am this morning, I finally confirmed that Rutland’s place atop the Covid chart is due to the presence of Her Majesty’s Prison Stocken”

    Ah. Although… it could be still be due to high fertility; what with anyone being able to declare themselves female and thus get put into the women’s prison.

    “In case you’re wondering, this place is bottom of the league (and quite happy about it).”

    Ah, Appledore. That serendipitously ties in with my comment on your Trees Growing out of Dead Pubs post that the Alma is named after the Crimean word for apple. 🙂

    Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “The % of new entries in the Guide, odds of a GBG22, and the decline in Covid rates required for pubs to reopen for GBG22 comes out.” Breaking news that GBG22 will see a c.20% reduction to around 3,600 entries must have sent a shiver through the Pub Tickers Massif. An EGM (on Zoom, with virtual pub backdrops and bottled Doom Bar in hand) needed?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bottom of the league. Ah, Torridge. That’s because all summer they only served drinks to people with EX39 postcodes!

    Like

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