“I’ve never given birth, but I can’t imagine it can be worse than the 08:40 school bus to Andreas”

£7 your Manx Go Saver ticket; you could spend the whole day with Bus Vannin, wondering where your next loo stop is.

I was heading to Andreas (pop. 1,428) in the flat agricultural plain that makes up the north of Man.

I’d assumed my visit would be the most exciting thing to happen in Andreas, but had forgot that local team Ayre United have magic on their side

Folk law states, whenever the club attacks the infamous “sh*thouse end” in the second half in need of a result, something magical happens.

The only way to get to the Grosvenor pub for that vital tick is on foot (4.8 miles) or the school bus. I presume Andreas Primary School has Queenies on the lunch menu as its big draw.

I don’t want to overstate my heroism. After all, Duncan has just survived a night in a twin room with Baa Baa and myself.

But I did intervene in a fracas on the bus when a young schoolgirl we’ll call Emma forgot her 60p*

I rummaged around in my little purse for 60p in shillings. sensing Emma cursing me silently for ensuring she wouldn’t be kicked off the bus and spending the day drinking O’Kells in the Trafalgar.

I wish I HAD walked. Aren’t buses dreadful ? Checking my notes, I read now “I’ve never given birth, but I can’t imagine it can be worse than the 08:40 school bus to Andreas”. I hope that Mumsnet don’t read my blog.

09:03. 2hr 57 minutes to kill in a village that made Sawtry look like Las Vegas.

That’s unfair; it’s not bad at all, pleasantly undulating farmland, and I fell asleep in the childrens play area, which will probably make the next edition of the Isle of Man Examiner (nice title font).

Suddenly it was 11:58. Time to stand outside the Grosvenor and hope.

You see, the pub had been closed a week ago due to C***d. So there was a nervousness akin to “A” level results day as I waited for the young man to open up, on the dot. You can rely on the Manx.

A very pleasing old fashioned village pub.

Two beers, just £3.10 for your cool local Odin Mild.

Pleased to see me, no expectation of a diner, happy to let me do a tour of the Bass tat.

Weird ceiling, mind.

*For the 18th time that month

11 thoughts on ““I’ve never given birth, but I can’t imagine it can be worse than the 08:40 school bus to Andreas”

  1. Forget Mumsnet, Mrs PBT’s would not be amused with your comment about giving birth, were she to read your blog, and I wouldn’t want to argue with her on that score, either.


  2. Are you sure? It doesn’t read that way, despite the quotation marks, and if it did it’s a rather inappropriate remark for a young girl to be making.

    Having said that I have had the misfortune to travel on the odd school bus, and none of them were pleasant experiences, so yes, I would definitely have walked. 🤔


    1. I can’t believe you’d think so badly of me Paul. Perhaps Panorama can review the tapes.

      It’s nice to add “school bus” to my modes of transport, just below “dragged along by wild horses” on the discomfort index.


      1. I hold you in the highest esteem, Martin, which was why I was surprised by your choice of title for this post. Probably best that we drop the matter now, otherwise the additional net traffic generated, might prompt Mumsnet to come knocking on your door!


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