I do hope “carpet shopping” isn’t a euphemism for something like tasters (or worse).

In 1999 we subjected our newborn son to a succession of Ryanair flights on the reasonable basis he had a free seat ’till he was two years old. Our flights typically cost £9.99, which explains how we’ve killed the planet for our son.

His first foreign holiday was 2 days in a GBG pub in Aberdour (pop. 1,633) on the Firth of Forth, 20 minutes from Edinburgh Airport and 30 minutes from the St Johnstone ground where he suffered his first football match.

It seems improbable we subjected him to this (most mums wouldn’t take their children abroad till they’re 16) purely so I could make some GBG inroads into Fife; but I doubt the golden sands were the draw,

and 23 years later it’s harder to see Aberdour’s unique appeal,

but the folk are friendly, the views gorgeous,

and the pubs lively. I’m sure I visited the Foresters in 1999 pre-emptively, you know.

If only my record-keeping was as meticulous as BRAPA’s after 6 pints.

There’s 5 pumps, apparently all off, and my timid “No real ale (sign of the handpump), no ?”.

Oh, YES, we’ve got Timothy Taylor Landlord, but not a clip for it“. Well, I suppose Landlord is an ultra-rare beer only found in 82% of Scottish pubs.

It was a tad thin, and you can see the carbonation, but it was OK.

But who’s drinking it when there’s no clip ? Well, no-one much.

Diana Ross sings “I’m Coming Out (to tip the beer) (Remix)“, the Human League sing their 1982 hit about the tabloid wars;

Here comes the Mirror man
Says he’s a People fan

and the bar is alive with banter about wives, tea and shopping.

“Enjoy your carpet shopping, Mikey”. Mikey curses under his breath.

If any of MY readers have EVER enjoyed carpet shopping, please let me know.


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