Enough about me propping up the Timbo profits; it’s time for BRAPA.
In his landmark post on pub ticking last week Simon told us;
“Next weeks outdoor April 12th re-opening will bring some limited localised joy shivering under the snowy umbrellas of York’s Fox and Golden Ball, but BRAPA will not recommence until I can do it ‘properly‘ “
But life is all about NOT making plans and sticking to them, it’s about NEVER making a booking, in fact. And at 11.27am I found BRAPA standing in the drop-off at Sheffield station, famous green pen at the ready.
Just as I was about to force the Aygo (199,377 miles and counting) into one last effort over the hills, the phone rang.
“Martin, can I ask you something“. Darn, completely forgot about Mrs RM and her root canal surgery that morning*.
“Can I come with you and BRAPA ?“.
Couldn’t say no, could I ? I sensed I was still going to be DES though.
We gave him a tour of our garden the Norther suburbs and then headed west east on the A57 to the Roland Arms at Aston, where the “O” and the “A” had had taken flight after news of BRAPA’s visit went ahead.
Sadly, I didn’t have time to take pictures of Aston, also known as (among others) Aston-cum-Aughton, and Swallownest, and Woodhouse. Anyway, a Rotherham mining village, which means you’ll be spending your summer holiday here exploring nearby attractions like Gullivers’s Valley in the Rother Valley Park.
But on the 12th April 2021 all you needed for your entertainment was an outside table next to some Professional Drinkers with a dog that didn’t attack Mrs RM and a “Wellerman” ringtone.
I have to tell you, I’ve rarely been so excited as I was when the young barmaid approached our table with the artisan beer menu. Mrs RM was delighted to have survived root canal surgery, and as for BRAPA…
Wait, what’s that ? John Smiths SMOOTH ?
Yes, in his first tick for 4 months, it was Smooth or Carling.
“What can I get you ?“
“Any real ale ?” “Bitters ?” “Cask ?“
“I’m not even sure what ale is ?” said the cheery lass; our hearts leapt out to her.
Just as well BRAPA didn’t attempt the international hand signal for hand-pumped ale, I guess.
In some parts of the world this is where the Real Ale Twat gets up and leaves, but God blesses the easily pleased, and I have it on good authority that the John Smiths was drinking well.
I have it on authority that Prince Phillip was a John Smiths drinker, so those pints were for him.
Your DES went for the diet coke, but the gas machine was warming up, so I went craft soft.
We watched in awe as trays of gleaming amber liquid were brought out and taken behind a secret screen to the lads of the village.
By 12.30 there were a couple of dozen sinking their first pub pints since who knows when, and life felt good.
I even got to pop to the loo, which seemed to be taunting Simon.
and view the owl, which seemed to be asking Simon where he’d dumped Martin (not me).
There were turned around hand pumps, including 61 Deep, on the bar, but who cares ?
Thank you Roland Arms, next.
*Live streaming of the surgery was exclusively available to Patronised readers yesterday.
retiredmartin 
BRAPA is the man we all could be if we made the effort
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Or the man we could be if we didn’t put in the effort….
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You didn’t think to put in the effort then, Cookie?
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Cookie hates pubs. It’s the students queueing for an hour outside a Craft Union pub in a Sheffield suburb yesterday that love pubs.
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“I have it on authority that Prince Phillip was a John Smiths drinker”,
In 1973 Prince Philip turned down offers of a pint of Whitbread Tankard and insisted on traditional beer during his visit to a Hartleys pub and then “said he supports CAMRA’s battle for better beer” but “turned down an invitation to become a member because he feels he doesn’t drink enough ale to qualify”.
But “it has been alleged that small scale production of the bottled variant continues as it is Prince Philip’s favourite beer, with Paul Burrell attesting that Philip drank a small bottle nightly”.
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At risk of going to the Tower I can assure you Phillip had a John Smiths not that long ago.
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Yes, Philip wasn’t a Real Ale Twat like some of us so I’m sure he did have a John Smiths not that long ago
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That picture of the two blokes with the dog is classic pub fayre…that’s the sort of thing I’ve missed!
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On guard duty in case Martin was trying to sneek in some 10% murk.
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Ha!!! Absolutely!
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That’s a very predatory looking owl, like it’s escaped from some Hentai. Wouldn’t have given Ba Ba very good odds against it.
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Serious question – not being 100% au fait with modern parlance, what does “DES” stand for? Is it some kind if weird anagram? Or is it a secret code, known only to avid pub tickers?
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It’s a secret code, Paul, only known to people who LOVE pubs.
But since it’s your birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY !) it means DESignated Driver, the poor sod driving the drinkers round !
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Thanks for enlightening me, Martin. I suppose someone has to do it, but why you, especially on the day that the pubs finally re-opened.
ps. Thanks for the birthday greetings, as designated walker, I’m off to grab a swift pint of Larkin’s, up the road in Charcott.
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Glad to see the Greyhound open, I imagine there’s a great pub garden.
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“it means DESignated Driver”
I got that (finally!) from context. 🙂
Oh, and Happy Birthday Paul! (raises glass)
Cheers!
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Must have been a tough call between a visit to the barbers and restarting the BRAPA. Glad to see those ears are still protected from the fierce sun everyone predicted for opening day.
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That’s why Simon is an inspiration to millions of us.
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Colin and Baa Baa are the inspirations, you guys are just the handlers.
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“And at 11.27am I found BRAPA standing in the drop-off at Sheffield station, famous green pen at the ready.”
Were the authorities notified?
“Darn, completely forgot about Mrs RM and her root canal surgery that morning*.”
Si will do that to you. 😉
“I sensed I was still going to be DES though.”
Ah. From context I now surmise DES is designated driver.
“where the “O” and the “A” had had taken flight after news of BRAPA’s visit went ahead.”
And the arms as well it seems!
(plus, O and A missing means Si can’t stand about saying ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ I take it)
“also known as (among others) Aston-cum-Aughton, and Swallownest, and Woodhouse”
Blimey. Must have quite the rich history.
“all you needed for your entertainment was an outside table next to some Professional Drinkers ”
Covering all the bases, with one in wellies and another in trainers.
“Wait, what’s that ? John Smiths SMOOTH ?”
Baby steps. 🙂
“Just as well BRAPA didn’t attempt the international hand signal for hand-pumped ale, I guess.”
(slow golf clap) 🙂
“and I have it on good authority that the John Smiths was drinking well.”
And, of course, Si finds a bloke in the bog having two shots whilst doing his business. 😉
“I have it on authority that Prince Phillip was a John Smiths drinker, so those pints were for him.”
Had one yesterday for him as well. My darling wife was the cook on his plane when he and the Queen visited Canada in the 90’s (the Queen flew on a separate aircraft). My wife says Prince Phillip was quite down to earth and a joy to cook for.
“We watched in awe as trays of gleaming amber liquid were brought out and taken behind a secret screen to the lads of the village.”
Crickey. Talk about two-fisted drinking!
“I even got to pop to the loo, which seemed to be taunting Simon.”
That must be the UK version of ‘skip to the loo’. 🙂
“and view the owl, which seemed to be asking Simon where he’d dumped Martin (not me).”
I think Si is past his barnyard fetish. 😉
“*Live streaming of the surgery was exclusively available to Patronised readers yesterday.”
My wife’s had it 3 times. If need be I’ll just re-watch hers. 😉
Cheers!
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Glad your wife found Philip down-to-earth, Russ.
“Si will do that to you. 😉” read that as Si will do root canal surgery !
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“read that as Si will do root canal surgery !”
Egad! You’re getting my sometimes dyslexic style of reading! (LOL)
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It does my heart good to think of you and Simon celebrating the big day together. Somehow seems appropriate that it ended up being John Smiths Smooth. As you often say, “It’s not about the beer, it’s about the opportunities to overhear lads singing old hits by Ace of Base.” 😉
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I’m sure Simon and I actually said “Mark C will love it we have the John Smiths Smooth instead of the St Mars of the Desert Triple DIPA sour”, and we were right. Can’t wait for the BRAPA report.
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