RULES, RULES, RULES

This next post is a bit of a contractual obligation under my lucrative and top secret sponsorship deal with Doom Bar, which roughly translates to one Manchester City goal on Sky for every half point of NBSS above 3.0.

The Maypole in Thurloxon, which Taunton and Bridgwater can fight over, managed a 3.5 Doom Bar. Some of you will leave this blog now.

Quite how it made the Beer Guide this year I can’t tell you, but I assume it wasn’t because of an NBSS 3.5 Doom Bar.

No doubt tawny beers from homebrewers in Middlezoy and Milverton swung it, but since I wasn’t allowed in to see the bar I couldn’t tell you, and I felt sorry for the barmaid after she kept me waiting on the door while she rattled off “Guinness, Peroni, Carling, Stowford, Doo..” when I asked what beers they had.

Drinkers are confined to the garden, as you’ll know by now that drinkers are scum who want to kill your granny by visiting pubs and not buying burgers.

But in fairness the garden was colourful and had a couple of shy drinkers smokers in it who nodded the recognition of the fellow plague carrier.

The nice young lady brought me the pad to fill out the Track and Trace details, which I’d completed by the time the half of Doom Bar had been drunk.

You can’t exactly linger over a half of Doom Bar, can you ?

I’ve seen quite a few Gents toilets with that “One in, one out” rule, but the Maypole was the first to insist I bolted the door to the urinal, to the dismay of the Colonel with a weak bladder behind me.

Rules, Colonel, rules.

11 thoughts on “RULES, RULES, RULES

    1. Yes, like washing your hands for 20 or more seconds !

      The restriction on toilet access is one of the more extreme example of petty rule making mentioned in your own blog. The Gents here would have fitted 3 folk comfortably with no risk of contact. I find the route into service stations far more likely to cause contact (not that that sort of temporary proximity poses any sort of risk).

      Liked by 2 people

      1. The Crown & Trumpet in Broadway have cracked the ‘one-in, you shall not pass’ toiletting thing with a slide across vacant/engaged sign. Trouble is, while we were there nobody touched it, meaning the loos were apparently permanently engaged, necessitating a crafty look through the open window to see the truth of it. Plus a keen ear for any (ahem!) ‘noises’ from the cubicle…

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      2. Good point. I saw that in the ultra posh Fox in Crawley (Hants), being given a two minute instruction on how to set a vacant/engaged sign before and after my visit. The old boy behind me was completely bemused, and I got my east and west wrong.

        Everyone touching a lock or sign seems poor hygiene if you ask me. Which you didn’t.

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      3. Someone was complaining on Discord about toilet visitors in one pub being given a key to unlock the door, which fails even more on hygiene grounds.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yes, remember that, seemed very odd. I’m aware that pubs are obliged to restrict access to loos to customers logged on Track and Trace, which severely restricts my nipping in Spoons !

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  1. “Some of you will leave this blog now.”

    I’ll get my hat. No, hang on, still have a bit of beer left in my glass, so…
    (but I won’t try to read anything on that OS map)

    “but since I wasn’t allowed in to see the bar”

    Not even with a face mask, plexiglass head shield and promising to cough and/or sneeze into your elbow?

    “as you’ll know by now that drinkers are scum who want to kill your granny by visiting pubs ”

    I’m having trouble following the logic of that. 😉

    “and had a couple of shy drinkers smokers in it who nodded the recognition of the fellow plague carrier.”

    All you need now is to add someone with HIV and you’ll have a trifecta!

    “You can’t exactly linger over a half of Doom Bar, can you ?”

    Nope. Also, if the pub was on the ball they’d call the number you’d written down in pen to see if the phone you had with you started to ring. 🙂

    “Rules, Colonel, rules.”

    Was it gender neutral?*

    * – I’d say ‘unisex’ but that would offend those that are part dog, part tree and god knows what else.

    Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

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