Yes, another rejected song title from Lana Del Ray (but who knows ?), as we enter Cheshire for the second time in GBG19, always a scary prospect.

I predict that Simon will have “issues” with the Beer Emporium Bottle Bank, which is uber-Cheshire posh micro.

holmes chapel
Not as exciting as it sounds

But first, admire the classic exterior.

Note the use of the “Cloudwater” to lure in the gentlefolk

In fairness, the dreadful Ember Inn is covered in scaffolding so competition is limited.

Plenty of positives.

a) They’re open. All week.

b) There’s a backroom of gentlefolk playing a bemusing looking board game. I was tempted to shout out “Richard the third” to confuse them, but I sensed I was intruding as it was.

Deep in thought

It’s good to see a mix of folk in a pub, even if the games room felt a couple of counties from the high tables at the bar where IT homeworker Dads were necking the DIPA.

c) The loos are upstairs, just like in Proper Pubs like Spoons.

d) One of the rooms is a vault. Cool !

e) They have beers called things like “Shiny Bison” just like they do in Manchester. Loads of rare beers for you to take home and swig in your underpants watching Netflix.

On the downside, high tables, clutter, no lacings on a warmish but tasty beer that made me wish I’d stopped at the S** S****s, just like Simon didn’t.

As Pub Curmudgeon has noted on at least one occasion, you don’t get in the Beer Guide round here by offering one beer you’ve heard of.

Choice ! Choice ! Choice !


  1. They obviously got a job lot with those black subway tiles.
    The inevitable result of someone watching 10-year-old re-runs of Grand Designs on an obscure Sky channel.
    And ooh,look,beer keg pissers.
    Never seen them before.
    A craft beer bar in my local city has avocado ceramic sanitary ware – now THAT is retro.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. > The loos are upstairs, just like in Proper Pubs like Spoons.

    I can name numerous ‘Spoons branches, such as the Swan and Castle in Oxford, with downstairs/basement facilities.


    1. The real rarity in Spoons is to have the toilets on the same level as the main bar area – although both my two local ones do.


      1. I disagree – not really a rarity ?

        I would say downstairs, upstairs and on the same level as the main bar is split roughly evenly ?

        I’ve just added another column to my ‘Spoons branch spreadsheet so that I can report back with authority on this in the years to come.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Must say I don’t think I’ve ever encountered in America, in either a bar or restaurant, a place where the only available restrooms are on the second floor. (Sometimes the basement, but even that is somewhat unusual.) Makes me wonder if there isn’t a law against it over here.


      1. It may have been in the past, but it’s a terrible dining pub done out in Robbies’ characteristic modern style. To be honest, the Ember Inn is nicer, and that’s saying something. The Sam’s is *too* compartmentalised for its own good, as I have blogged, and thus doesn’t really quite “work” properly.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. What a fascinating photograph, and even the local bobby in the middle of road ready to say “nothing to see here, move along now”.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Sorry Martin, I meant to nest the comment correctly.

      But note the serving-hatch bar, something that we sadly seldom see nowadays, and which was the perfect antidote to the barfly.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Too many ?
        I see two each for Bitter and Best Mild, one in use and one in cleaning.
        And only casks in the cellar. No evil Einhorn yet.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Martin,
        I think we’re at cross purposes again. I was meaning the George and Dragon in 1970 and you are probably thinking of a present day micropub.
        Einhorn was Robinsons’s lager. T’other Mudgie is better qualified than me to comment about it.


  3. “Yes, another rejected song title from Lana Del Ray”

    I like some of her stuff. 🙂

    “Not as exciting as it sounds”

    Swettenham… isn’t that where Prosciutto comes from? 😉

    “Note the use of the “Cloudwater” to lure in the gentlefolk”

    Since you mentioned it was very posh I first read ‘opening hours’ as ‘organic hours’. 🙂

    “Loads of rare beers for you to take home and watch in your underpants watching Netflix.”

    I’m not familiar with every bit Brit slang but shouldn’t that be drink instead of watch with regards to your underpants?

    “you don’t get in the Beer Guide round here by offering one beer you’ve heard of.”

    I swear with some of these breweries it’s the beer name that comes first and then brew it to match!


    And with that, I’m back! For now. 😉

    Up to our eyeballs in catering for the past week; which means me doing most of the lunch truck stuff, plus the shopping and the washing of the dinner/flat ware every day for 30 plus people. Between that and me old mum still recovering (slowly) from a bronchial infection I haven’t had the time (or inclination at times) to be my witty self online. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The Quinta at Swettenham was the home of Sir Bernard Lovell, the mad genius behind the Jodrell Bank radio telescope about two miles to the north. The green stuff to the west of the house is an arboretum he established there. The Swettenham Arms next door is one of those rambling dining pubs that ought to be great but has generally been pretty badly run.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’d say:

      “Uno bieru Londono Prido* please-u”.

      The trick is to always end in a vowel (or the letter ‘n’). 🙂


      * – long ‘i’ of course!


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