It was 4pm last Saturday.  Mrs RM had just driven back from picking up her new motor (4 wheels, black) in Car Shop Northampton, where numerous enthusiastic young men had been attempting to talk to me about car stuff.

Matt was still in his pyjamas when we got home.

Dad, where’s Doncaster ?  Loathe and Lotus Eater are playing there tonight

Oooh, I like the Lotus Eaters”  said Mrs RM, remembering the fey ’80s popsters that Mark Crilley may still have a picture of on his wall.

Lotus Eater, not Lotus Eaters !” etc.  etc.

See the source image
Anger. Aggression. Despair. Violence. Feral rage.

Oh.  When is it ?”

Tonight. Doors at 7.30pm.”

“I’ll drive you there in my new car”  said Mrs RM. She’s worse than me.

Three hours later we were parked up in Doncaster Market Place.


Matt is still at that impressionable age where he believes in being in a venue at the time “Doors Open” rather than three hours later when the headliner comes on.  He left us at the Market Place Alehouse & Deli and braved the Sodom and Gomorrah that is Doncaster on a Saturday night.

Not Sodom. Or Gomorrah.

The Market Place Alehouse was a welcome burst of continental style grazing when it grazed the Beer Guide a couple of years back, before slipping out after a change of ownership.

I wouldn’t have suggested this for tea except a) Their deli boards were great before,   b) Where else would you go ?, and c) I was intrigued by the Facebook reviews.

Beer list with holly

It’s a mainly daytime venue so was winding down, but they rustled us up some cheese and ham platters.  As tasty as ever. As was their beer.

A micro pub style range of beers had a couple from the Jolly Sailor brewery up near York I raved about, and both were good or better (NBSS 3/3.5).


The new owners (ex-Sam Smith tenants) were really chatty, cynical about the glossy redevelopment of the town centre (they’d just returned from running a business in New Zealand) and seemed likely to come to blows over the music choices (only joking, but…)

I Ran” by A Flock of Seagulls followed “Bette Davis Eyes“, before the man of the pub got his way and we had some Steely Dan deep cuts.

A long conversation about the relative merits of Heron Foods v Fulton, eulogising the latter’s frozen doner kebabs.

“What animal is doner ?  I’ve never met an animal called doner.  Apart from that reindeer in the song”.

At 8pm he shot off to “feed me cat and watch Strictly”.  We set off for the bright lights of Donny.



      1. I’ve just moved east, to South Milford, in North Yorkshire. Selby Council, Leeds postcode, York Camra branch?


  1. Your lad knows how to pick his venues. I had a Saturday night in Doncaster once, when cycling the Trans-Pennine Trail. By the time we got there the place was riotous and not in a good way. The next morning it looked more like Beirut. All that’s changed of course now it’s become the Cambridge of the North.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have a knack for finding riotous Britain – South Shields, Great Yarmouth, Bridlington (?), Donny. I can remember seeing young ladies relieving themselves in side alleys before that sort of thing was fashionable.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “Russ can add a few destinations I suspect.”

        Funnily enough any destination I could add would be the result of that year-long backpacking trip around western Europe.

        So it really boils down to you lot being, um, salacious over there.
        (either that or it was because I was sowing my wild oats?) 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “Three hours later we were parked up in Doncaster Market Place.”

    I thought the three hours thing was a bit of leg pulling but you weren’t joking. 🙂

    “but they rustled us up some cheese and ham platters. ”

    I’m glad my name could be of some use. 😉

    ” before the man of the pub got his way and we had some Steely Dan deep cuts.”

    Good man. 🙂

    “I’ve never met an animal called doner.”

    Isn’t that the animal they make Turkish kebabs from?



    1. I wasn’t joking. 20 minutes to get from pyjamas to street gear (Matt, not me), 2hrs 40 drive (with 20 mins stop for his McDonalds). Even I thought it was a bit frantic.

      That Doner line was the bloke’s joke. What sort of animal has meat like that ?


  3. Can’t claim to have even heard of the Lotus Eaters until my friend Ian in Macclesfield included it on a mixtape circa 1986; such a quintessentially English-sounding record, that “First Picture of You”– you can practically smell the mushy peas!

    Speaking of those days, I’ve decided “4 wheels, black” is a Prefab Sprout reference, whether it is or isn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “ex-Sam Smith tenants …… they’d just returned from running a business in New Zealand”
    I’m sure Humphrey’s OBB is as popular on the other side of the world as it is in his native Yorkshire.

    Liked by 1 person

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