I can only report what happens, you can censor it yourself by applying a Bass filter or something.

But I’m afraid this post starts with Vimto Piss.  No, not the legendary punk band from Louth (No. 41 in the 1987 Festive 50 with “Oi, get off my tractor), but the subject of debate amongst two delightful young ladies on their way into the informal toilet in Green Dragon Yard.

Be afraid
Just what is that Frederic Robinson near 26 Outram about ?

Uggh, look at that pool of piss

I’ve been on the Vimto, it’ll be Vimto coloured piss now

Even after a pint of banked Bass, I was shocked.  Had she really been “on the Vimto” in the belief it was an alcopop ?

My sensibilities shocked, I needed parmo.  Plenty of takeaways along Yarm Lane,


but I found Stockton’s best parmesan on Buzzfeed, in the smart (and packed) Italian restaurant with its own brand beer.  If anyone knows which craft brewer knocks out Borge, let me know.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Probably craft

The parmesan was as good as it looks, the chips a bit soggy in the Italian way, the service efficient and swift. You can tell Borge is authentic from the correct spelling of “Banano Splitto” on the pudding menu.

I resisted the Tiramisu, somehow

The night was still young, but I couldn’t be bothered to visit one of the many new places that’ll be in GBG19/20, and I reckon the Golden Smog deserves every visit it gets. Partly because it’s down a dark, dingy alley.


And partly because I could see the Plum Porter through the grates.

What a view
Bristol Beer Factory, but you knew that

Quite why I went for the Bristol, I’ve no idea, but it was cool and chewy and reminded me why I love this place (NBSS 4).

Plum Porter calling to me

Quirky, friendly and with proper seating that allows you to chat or hide, it’s one of the very best micros.


AND they had free black pudding on the bar.  At least, I hope it was free.

I just wish I’d worked out what the odd things in the Gents were.


In the morning I enjoyed the now customary Mushroom Benedict in a Spoons with healthy 9am lager trade.

World Cup fever
Breakfast of kings

I congratulated myself on my financial saving from picking 26 Outram over the brutalist Swallow Hotel,


and spent the difference on Kilimanjaro scotch eggs from the market.  They were historic.



*I apologise to the residents of Doncaster, but following that town’s genetrification it’s no longer the most likely place in the UK to find this type of area.





11 thoughts on “SMOG, PARMO, VIMTO P***

  1. Must confess I’ve never heard of “parmo” before, but judging from the photo, it is as delicious as it is lethally bad for you.

    You seem to have a tradition on this blog of seeing a beer on the bar that you absolutely love, and then ordering some other beer for reasons you cannot fully explain… 😉


  2. Did you not engage the two delightful young ladies in conversation pointing out that Vimto is an anagram of Vomit – and then explaining what an anagram is ?

    Liked by 3 people

  3. “If anyone knows which craft brewer knocks out Borge, let me know.”

    According to UnTappd they brew it themselves.

    “and I reckon the Golden Smog”

    I would’ve though the Golden Smog was either in L.A., Beijing or Mexico City. 😉

    “And partly because I could see the Plum Porter through the grates.”

    Good eye.

    “and with proper seating that allows you to chat or hide”


    “I just wish I’d worked out what the odd things in the Gents were.”

    I think they put that in the wrong toilet.

    And with that, I have to go help entertain (sigh).


    Liked by 1 person

  4. Interestingly the Golden Smog for which Stockton is famous was produced by the ammonia plant at ICI. Since CF Fertilisers took over they’ve cleaned it up a bit (!), but they are the very plant responsible for the UK’s food grade CO2 shortage last month!

    Fab pub though, and that parmo looks excellent!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m ashamed to say I’m not a proper North Easterner and I’ve never actually had a parmo. Based on that recommendation I’ll try and rectify that soon!

        Liked by 1 person

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