Our Sunday entertainment concluded on the sceptered Isle of Portland, a 90 minute walk from the Wyke Smuggler. It would have been an hour if we’d stuck to the path, rather than the sand and pebbles, but where’s the fun in that ?
Here’s a delightful bit of OS map. Note how the straight lines out at sea delineate the Craft exclusion zone.
I’d characterise Portland as Sheppey with pebbles. Which means it’s interesting and unpretentious, and unscathed by gastro pubs.
So you’re greeted by a fun fair at the foot of the hill that leads to the prison.
And the shops sell things you need, like this model of Noel Edmonds.
The villages are gritty rather than pretty,
but I find the stonework attractive.
As Mrs RM would tell you, the streets leading up from Chesil Bay to Fortuneswell, the “big city” here, are very STEEP.
Mrs RM really didn’t want to walk up the hill to Portland Social Club (aka Royal British Legion). And I’d be lying if I said the austere exterior won her over.
With more folk on the smoking step than inside, she needed some bribery to be persuaded inside (“I’ll get TWO packets of crisps“).
But you won’t get a warmer welcome in Dorset, or a cheerier bunch of locals.
A pint of Exmoor, a soda and two packets of crisps were £4.40. In Dorset. I would pay double for that exact combination a day later. Clearly the money they save from using basic but comfortable furnishings is used wisely here.
My notes on the Exmoor say “Excellent. NBSS 3.5. Who’s drinking it though ?”.
It was a jolly 20 minutes, despite the irritation of the Chelsea v West Ham match no-one was watching. If you haven’t got takers for Chelsea v West Ham I suspect you don’t need Sky.
Instead, folk were chatting to their partners, or playing snooker against them, albeit badly.
It felt like a backstreet South London pub, and I can’t say fairer than that.
retiredmartin 
I’m not really a club person, although I’ve done a few when needs must, this one looks a goodun though.
How much was Noel Edmonds going for?
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And did you bargain with the shopkeeper – ” deal or no deal ? “
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Do not mock the Noelmeister !
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And is that Mrs RM’s handbag ?
Racy.
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Definitely not ;-() That was one of the locals. You wouldn’t find a local leaving their handbag open on the bar in London !
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I’d assumed BBB stood for Mrs RM’s Beautiful Big Bag.
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Bessie’s Bumper Bitter
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“rather than the sand and pebbles”
What bloody sand? 🙂
“I’d characterise Portland as Sheppey with pebbles.”
Sheppey has better scenery.
“So you’re greeted by a fun fair at the foot of the hill that leads to the prison.”
I think that’s deliberate. Where do you think they get most of the carney folk to operate the rides? 😉
“Noel”
Pfft. That’s just G. I. Joe with a beard.
“Traditional Social Club furnishings”
Yep. You could say the inside is just as austere as the outside.
“Bargain”
Quite! (thumbs up)
Cheers
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Have you been to Sheppey ?
The sand doesn’t photograph as well as the pebbles !
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Whereas a climbing friend of mine characterises Malta as “basically just Portland with better weather”. Although he’s someone who pays more attention to limestone cliffs than to religious architecture.
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I’m surprised no-one’s mentioned the Piddle pump on he bar, or is that a bit too obvious?
ps. The locals look enthralled by the whole experience. Are people born and raise on Portland, similar to those from Sheppey?
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“I’m surprised no-one’s mentioned the Piddle pump on he bar, or is that a bit too obvious?”
Believe me Paul, I gave it serious consideration for a bit. But for some unfathomable reason, decorum won out. 🙂
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Your middle name is Decorum, Russ.
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I’d have guessed yes.
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The keg version was obviously available in the Winchester Spoons going by that unique dispense method Martin had photographed.
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This one really gives me a sense of what social clubs can be like, with the simplest of tables and stackable chairs. I get the feeling of a “multi-purpose” space, where everything can be cleared away and rearranged when needed. Is that a framed photo of the queen?
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It is Her Majesty, and you’re right about multi-purpose; that space might be a disco the next day.
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But did a goldfish win you?
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Gastro pubs… as difficult to get rid of as Japanese knotweed! Give me a south London boozer or an Isle of Portland social club any day.
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