Back home from Hackney on Sunday at midnight, then straight off to Scotland, or Alba as the locals call it.
Mrs RM gets it easy, she really does. All she does is enjoy my flawless driving while taking conference calls, and then get shouted out by Scots with IT problems for five days while I slog my guts out exploring the Beer Guide pubs using ScotRail off-peak fares.
All I ask is that she drives me to the irritating ones in the middle of nowhere. Like this one (report to follow).
I’ve finally got around to reading the resolutions at the CAMRA AGM. In fact I’ve got them as an audio book for the car. The proposed changes to the National Beer Scoring System go a long way to clearing up the confusion caused by letting idiots score beer.
NATIONAL BEER SCORES SYSTEM – PROPOSAL
0 Doom Bar
0.5 No real ale from LocAle breweries available
1.0 Pub refuses to provide sausage rolls at CAMRA meeting
1.5 Beer in pubs not offering CAMRA discount
1.999 Retired in memory of the 1999 Good Beer Guide
2.0 Minimum standard for inclusion in the Beer Guide (Channel Islands)
2.5 Beer in any pub displaying a “Cask Marque” sticker
3.0 Minimum standard for inclusion in the Beer Guide (England & Wales)
3.5 Weird beer made with ingredients last seen in the Sorcerers Apprentice
4.0 Beer you drink more than four pints of in same session
4.5 Any beer made under a railway arch by blokes or ladies “fighting the man“
5.0 Abbot in an Essex pub where the regulars are all called Steve
REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION
Beer in Scotland isn’t actually scored, of course. The mere existence of real ale (during haggis picking season) is sufficient for Beer Guide inclusion.
In fact, mirroring BREXIT, Scotland has already has its own blue sticker system in pub windows.
I haven’t got to the technical annexes yet, but I’m guessing that there’ll be a separate scoring system for the “New Quality Beers” like the one below, now officially endorsed by at least one leading CAMRA branch chair.
Just to be on the safe side, before we crossed the border we stocked up on some emergency supplies from ASDA. One of them is CRAFT, folks.