That moment after 4 pints when someone sings “What’s going on” and the worst pub in the world is suddenly the best.

October 2026. Rye Harbour.

Back at the holiday park from pubbing in Rye last Saturday, having abjectly failed to buy fresh groceries from Jempson’s for tea, we’re resigned to the emergency rations in the harbour shop (mainly crisps and tins).

“How about a pint in the William” says Mrs RM. YOU try saying no to her.

To follow grain with grape may not be too bad, but to follow that grape with grain is asking for trouble.

Never mind. No-one ever kept great pubs alive with halves. Not that the William the Conqueror, no longer the harbour’s only boozer (ugh), is a great pub.

A heavy focus on the three “C”s; Cypriot cuisine, colouring books for children and canines.

And a typically apologetic beer range that, once again, omits Spitfire.

Perhaps the jingoistic advertising campaign of old did for Spitfire, but it was once a classic beer.

At least there’s a very decent Master Brew, and a potent bottle-conditioned 1698 that was apparently kept just for an Old Boy who I’ve never actually seen drinking it.

The barmaid asks Mrs RM if she wants ice in her glass for the 1698.

“Ice in beer ! That’s like Cinzano in coffee* !“. Oh, no, she’s off now.

“I’ve seen it done !” says the barmaid. Yeah, by people who drink Bud Light through a straw, probably.

Good beer, even better chips, and a soundtrack designed for that Saturday afternoon of moderate overindulgence.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, “Stepping Out”, “In the Summertime”, and then jug-of-sangria Helly Hansen bloke sings “What’s Going On” (which I bet he thinks is the actual title) as this comes on ;

And I’m a bit emotional and suddenly the worst pub in the world might just be the best.

Mrs RM, who’s STILL talking about ice cubes in beer, is heading to the village store for Kentish gypsy tarts.

*As offered in a Barnsley trattoria, New Year’s Eve 1993.

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Published by retiredmartin

Retired NHS, doing long walks around UK and the world to record the great bits. Focused on Good Beer Guide pubs and live music.

9 thoughts on “That moment after 4 pints when someone sings “What’s going on” and the worst pub in the world is suddenly the best.”

  1. Ice in beer is nearly as bad as ice in wine. The only drink that I put ice in is Ouzo.
    I’ve never heard of Kentish gypsy tart. I don’t think that it was on the menu at my school in Kent in the 1950s. Someone here, on social media yesterday, was enthusing about lardy cake which is found in southern counties of England.

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    1. See the Wikipedia entry on GypsyTart for Keith Richards experience of having it for school dinners
      I dont recall having it in my.Dover school.in the 70 s but have never forgotten the Semolina.

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      1. Interesting that Keith Richards was forced to eat it which was the rule for meals at my primary school. Because of the way swede was served in meals there I have never been able to eat it since. When I progressed to the grammar school the food was a considerable improvement.

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  3. There’s a great pub in Bath. It’s not to everyone’s liking, especially in a LibDem stronghold like Bath, but Mrs PP-T and I sometimes call in there during the day because the Pride drinks well.
    The Volunteer Rifleman or the Volly as it’s known locally is unapologetically patriotic and attracts a clientele with firm views and an ex-military posture. Fantastic music selection too. Of the singalong genre.
    Everything and I mean everything is in its place. Buffed, polished and all present and correct. The cleanest bogs I’ve ever seen in a pub. I bet whoever does it all knows how to do hospital corners.
    There’s some old Spitfire advertising on the wall – ‘No Fokker Comes Close’ and ‘Downed all over Kent, just like the Luftwaffe’ . It was very funny of its time which is definitely not now.
    What I most like about it is that sometimes on a Saturday night their bouncer is an older West Indian gentleman. Smiling all the time but, even though he’s a bit of a shortarse, you know he could easily handle himself in a scatter.
    The thing is he has the easiest job in the world. Any miscreant causing trouble would instantly find himself looking at what the Argentinians faced when they came up against 2Para at Goose Green. Just a bit older and fatter. Still with the ex-military posture though and already cracking their knuckles.
    Sounds like you have a lovely day on the turps young Martin. The joys of retirement.

    Prof.

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    1. That’s a good description of the VR, PPT.

      I’d add that when I last visited there was also a half-cut sports journo, swaying and flush-faced after a day at the races.

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  4. Unfortunately, Gypsy Tart was on the menu at both my primary and secondary schools, which might explain why, like Keith Richards, I can’t stand the stuff.

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  5. An early morning start from Hastings, across the Country Park facing the sun. Along the shoreline of Pett Level – the wind forcing tears from my eyes. And through the nature reserve – just in time for a pint at the Conqueror for a midday pint. Bliss.

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