retiredmartin

September 2026. Headingley. Leeds.

Five minutes on the train to Burley Park (I walked the two miles back through the endless Uni quarter to Leeds Station), home to the Brudenell and countless enticing Asian eateries, and then you emerge in graceful Headingley.

At times Leeds culture seems dominated by the ghosts of Bielsa and Boycott and the Burley Banksy;

out in the northern suburbs you’re struck by the grace and beauty of buildings like the Golden Beam.

It’s a very grand place, built for the Scientologists a century ago and used as a girl’s school until falling into neglect till Spoons took it over.

You’d think the genteel residents of leafy Headingley would be grateful to Sir Tim for restoring their heritage, but all they did was oppose the planning applications.

I get my abacus out to compute the best lunch deal.

Korean chicken with a beer is £10.22, with a “soft drink” it’s £8.69, so my pint will need to cost at least £1.53 more than my normal £1.63 San Pellegrino to make the “pint with lunch” deal better. Are you keeping up ?

My chewy pint of Kirkstall Dissolution costs only £2.39 on Monday to Wednesday, even less thanks to the 50p CAMRA vouchers I’m using in a hurry now the new Beer Guide is out.

They should send children into Spoons to learn maths.

There aren’t any children in the Golden Beam. Or genteel ladies who lunch. In fact, all the trade seems to be blokes like me drinking cheap beer. So perhaps the middle classes of Headingley who reckoned there’s already enough places for them were right.

A man with a can of Guiness 0.0 scrapes the rocket off his artisanal pizza. It’s a metaphor. Or something.