July 2026. Sheffield.
Back from Darlington and a disappointing Chinese takeaway (life lesson : never go back) I popped next door (ish) to see how many folk were going to watch the World Cup Final at our local.
The Blind Monkey had decent crowds this last month for the England matches; I even heard people walking past RM Towers at midnight.
Just one hiccup. Local residents have put the kibosh on the garden area after 10pm, which meant if the game drifts into extra time it’s everyone indoors.
Mrs RM, who can only name Gareth Southgate in the currrent England team, joined me for the centrepiece of the football calendar, arriving half an hour before kick-off to take the prime view of the biggest screen.
It wasn’t packed by any means, two dozen of us in a garden that holds a hundred, and I counted ladies knitting and blokes doomscrolling amongst our number.
“What do you want to eat ?”
“Tater tots please”
“What are tater tots ?”
How can you reach your 60th year and be oblivious to tater tots ?
By half time we’d worked our way through the cask (Abbeydale, Neeposend, both GOOD) and moved on to the crafty keg. In 2026 the Sheffield pub garden is awash with Staropramen, Guinness, rosé and SALT.
With Justin Bieber treating us to his singalongs, the half time show was the undoubted highlight of the evening, with a complete absence of Coldplay from the Coldplay-curated show. More of this please.
If the 2022 final was one of the great matches, this was one of the worst. And as a late kick-off, interminable half-time show, rehydration advert breaks and VAR reviews of Argie temper tantrums took us past 10pm, a dozen of us headed inside to see how FIFA would fix it for Argentina to win this time.
And it was here a sort of bunker mentality emerged, the battle-hardened among us urging the Spaniards on to defy the odds and take their rightful place on the winners platform with President Trump.
A great night, in the end*.
*Almost as good as reading the conspiracy theories since, not least the belief that the Spanish clearance in the last minute actually went in the goal.
retiredmartin 