retiredmartin

June 2026. Somewhere near Tonbridge, Kent.

In truth, I’d been looking forward to the usual “Meal for Three” from Southborough’s Meows for Michael’s birthday, Mrs Meow is my second favourite lady in the whole world and it’s not even close.

But arriving at the door of the in-laws at half-eleven we’re greeted with “Michael needs to get out ! NOW !”, a feeling I’m familiar with.

My suggestion of Spoons is dismissed as too loud and chaotic, and Margaret suggests the Poacher & Partridge a couple of miles out of Tonbridge. This was Kentish Paul‘s recommendation for her own 80th a few years back, apparently.

New to me, but then it’s changed names more often than an octogenarian changes their mind about the menu choice, as Paul notes;

There’s a vast car park, an almost pubby bar,

three (is plenty etc) hand pumps,

and a giant conservatory that everyone eats in.

I’m DES, and Michael isn’t allowed to drink either, which is a bit miserable on your birthday. At least if you’re teetotal like my Dad you don’t miss it.

So the two ladies in our group get the Harvey’s (OK, but not crisp) instead of the blokes, which the wonderful young staff are amused by.

What I like about the Poacher is how unfussy* it is, dealing with a multitude of group sizes and appetites.

Perhaps it’s because prices in chain pubs have rapidly caught up, but the usual main courses under £20 don’t seem that bad for posh Kent, and the lunch offer is good value, though the menu is so hot of the press that the ink comes off on our hands.

A bit like the Plough in Bradfield that we took the Chicagoans to, it’s mass market destination dining, quality but not fancy.

Apart from the tartar sauce in a seashell with my fish cakes.

Four meals, a giant pudding for birthday boy, an Affogato for the rest of us, just too much food to even think about one of those walks from the pub.

And absolutely heaving on a Thursday lunchtime when we left. Pubs, gastro or otherwise, aren’t dead.

*_{Almost too unfussy, says Margaret, appraising the staff in shorts.}