May 2026. Elsecar. Barnsley.
Whenever I get bored of being at home, generally after being in the house more than 3 hours, I’ll walk down t’station and hop on the first train stopping somewhere I haven’t been for a year or two. Inevitably, that Cross Country service will be late so I’ll catch a different one entirely.
And so, on a warm Wednesday lunchtime I find myself at Elsecar, in that collection of mining villages betwixt Barnsley and Rotherham, an area only pub tickers truly know.
Most famous for Hoyland’s Furnace (of “There’s nowt such thing as bad beer, it’s just they that keep it that spoil it” fame), but a bit of a cask desert nowadays.
Some great old pub signs, mind.
Pub lunch options are a bit limited, but Barnsley is the spiritual home of the “Fisheries”,
and Hoyland’s King Street Fisheries has such mixed reviews I feel obliged to investigate.
Now, just ignore the aspostrophe (it’s South Yorkshire, different rules apply),
and look at those prices.
A decent sized fish and chips with curry sauce would cost you at least £12 down south, £13.60 in my go-to place in Ely. How Gordon gets to “£20-30” in his review is beyond me.
Freshly cooked, too, so you get time to read the Clairvoyants adverts and “The Uncensored Truth”.
But I don’t want the Truth, I just want somewhere to sit down to eat my £7.20 chippy tea lunch.
I walk for 10 minutes towards Elsecar before finding a brick wall facing this parkland to tuck in.
So the chips may not be piping hot, but the batter is crisp, the fish is fresh, and this is the easiest NF&CSS4 I will give all year. But take your own chair.
retiredmartin 
I thought that they would use The Light to wrap up the fish and chips.
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I wouldn’t fancy them myself.
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I read the clairvoyant’s advert as offering consultations by “doom video”. I suppose that could be appropriate in some circumstances.
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Considering they are all unknowingly given information by demons who do know some things, “doom” it really is. And I speak from experience :-\ Thank God – literally – that I escaped all that.
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Did you phone the clairvoyant to ask when Si will complete the GBG?
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Mrs. E was once involved in a motor prang, where another lady drove out of a side road into her car.
When they exchanged insurance details, the latter’s response to the – required then for some reason – question “occupation” was “clairvoyant”.
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You’d think she have known Mrs E was coming, wouldn’t you ?
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If they really could predict everything they’d do even better than Will on the horses and be millionaires.
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And even more importantly they’d know whether micropubs would be open when they said so or not.
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Martin, They might actually know that but don’t bother telling you. And if they knew about the horses they wouldn’t tell anyone else.
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That stupid use of an apostrophe is going to wind me for hours.
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It”s greengrocer’s what started it.
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Take some Tippe’x and erase it next time youre in Barnsley, Lana.
(Sorry 😐)
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I was hoping you’d give a score for the wall you were sat on. Too busy scoffing to notice, I reckon.
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