May 2026. Sheffield.
Mrs RM has been hard at work on her blog this month, and it would be amiss of me not to congratulate her on beating my blog view count AND starting to make money by recommending a travel bag that will fit in that Ryanair sizer if you wear 3 pears of pants and 2 overcoats on the flight. Retired Martin is not for sale.
Friday Night is “Do A New Sheffield Pub” night, but only after a descent (and climb and descent) from the Blind Monkey to Weston Park’s rhododendron display.
I have a revisit to Hergest Ridge gardens to see their rhododendrons on my To Do list this year, which guarantees it won’t happen.
Instead, we’re in West Street, Sheffield’s party central, with Mrs RM literally pushing into the Cavendish,
a Stonegate “Social Pub & Kitchen“, words to strike fear into your cold heart. It’s attracted groups of “friends”, from students to a group of Wu Wu ladies I note as “dressed like cougars“, by which I mean actual cougars, or perhaps I meant tigers.
There’s a room of pool tables, the Indian Premier League, a soundtrack from the Hoosiers to the Chilli Peppers, and that irritating collection of half a dozen different menus on the table.
Artificial Intelligence will see the end of paper menus and bills, but despite wild claims on Tomorrow’s World I don’t thing AI will be able to make 3D burgers with onion rings, so chefs are safer than servers.
A recent Untappd review notes “it’s too loud and someone touched my arm“. I had no such drama, though the Siracha sauce was something else as I found to my cost when forgetting to disinfect my hands before going to the urinals.
Yes, I had Neck Oil, and a half of Vocation sour from a Not Too Bad keg line-up, and it was all pretty good, though far, far, from bargain.
My main question from those loos is this ; who alive still remembers Derek and Clive ?
retiredmartin 
Who remembers Derek and Clive? ME!
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I remember Derek and Clive, lots of swearing and use of both the f and the c word.
Raucously funny when you’re an 18 year old, sixth former, but not so once you’ve grown up and matured a bit. Put another way, it hasn’t aged well.
On a more serious note, congrats to Mrs RM, with the success of her blog.
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I’m not familiar with Derek and Clive, except by reputation. Same with Judge Dread.
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I remember some people I used to know, who thought Derek & Clive was incredibly funny. That was all I needed to know about Derek & Clive.
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I assumed that the burger *was* made by AI. Probably a new version of the app, on its very first shift at the Cavendish, and trying to make sense of the instruction: “Construct an oversize burger for Retired Martin that will make a good photo for his blog. Doesn’t have to be edible. Go easy with the Siracha.”
Commiserations on the Siracha episode in the toilets.
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According to the outside façade header those burgers are “awesome”, Will.
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“Awesome” can mean anything from first rate to absolutely inedible, and I know which end of the spectrum Martin’s burger is situated.
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I can’t remember having eaten anything called a “burger”, nor having watched anything called “reality television”. Could these facts be related?
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Worst job I ever had, no it wasnt about Lobsters or Jane Mansfield, it was writing a beer blog about visiting students pubs in Sheff…..
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Why menus cannot be A5 booklets with large print and chunky section dividers that encompass everything on offer is beyond me.
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Ah, but just imagine what would happen to them in “family friendly” places, Lana?
Maybe stick with a wipe-clean, laminated, A4 single sheet?
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That would only fit a set menu though, maybe double sided laminate, with tiny margins so big print is fitted in.
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