retiredmartin

April 2026. Royal Tunbridge Wells.

“Well, I’m back in Tunbridge Wells again” says Mrs RM as we re-enter the Pantiles, almost getting nostalgic for her childhood home again, much as I might almost get nostalgic for the Sun and Chung Hwa. Almost.

Actually, the Pantiles are worryingly quiet on a sunny Tuesday; things will be rather different the next day in London (and Manchester any day).

The obvious way to end our mini-crawl of Fonthill-linked pubs would be the Sussex Arms, but just as Mrs RM goes “Ooh, what’s down there, I bet it’s not in your silly book“,

a group of blokes in their 30s, slightly squiffy, emerge from the bowels of what used to be the Pantiles Tap and tell us “The beer’s good in there !“.

Well, it is if you’re OK with a lack of cask.

Such a shame I already used my “Mad Dog” reference tonight, as it would have been useful here in Mad Dog’s 3rd pub (the Cardiff tap I’d been in and Brighton).

The young staff know more about beer than we do, so we just ask for pints of the strongest ones, and XPA and a NEIPA in lovely branded glasses. It’s what the Southworths would do.

And then we sit in the corner like naughty schoolchildren and eat Tavern crisps.

And listen to a fantastic soundtrack. No, really. Belle & Sebastian, Pacebo, Slash, New Radicals, the Dear Evan Hansen OST.

Oh, never heard of that one.

The barmaid pops over to pick up our glasses, and I ask if it’s her soundtrack, and it is. One of the few benefits of a quiet shift is being able to play music you like.

Mrs RM chats “Dear Evan Hansen” and the cost of London theatre these days, and it’s almost like Gen Z don’t hate Boomers like you’re constantly told by the BBC.

By now we’ve decided we’re staying for another, just in case we get a Kangaroo Air Force Elevator track*, and I pick the one with the silliest name this time.

Yes, the Stouty McStoutFace I necked after a Cardiff gig 3 years ago after meeting Etu, enjoyed at a more leisurely pace here.

It was probably a pint too far, too soon.

*_{Actually we get Dire Straits “Walk of Life”, of course}