retiredmartin

March 2026. Wuppertal. Germany.

Only three (3) nights in Cologne with the boys, but so much to explore in North Rhine-Westphalia, which kindly lets a group of five of you travel round the state all day for 59,80 euros.

We’d had a big argument family planning meeting that first lunchtime in Gaffel and decided to leave the boys in Dusseldorf while we did Wuppertal, then meet up in the Bolkerstraße for tea. What on earth would two lads do in the city of Uerige all day ?

James had been to Wuppertal with his mates recently, declaring “nice monorail,

nothing else to see“.

The internet will tell you this is a poor, run-down city, one to avoid. Mrs RM had other ideas, creating one of her famous “essential sights” maps with floating carriages.

Well, not for the first time, Mrs RM was right*.

Your arrival at a modernised central station sets the tone, clean and smart and weird.

State buildings emerge into view as you decsend into the town,

where the vast Primark is an architectural gem.

Incidentally, Primark have all the best buildings. This one is on Cologne’s main shopping street;

Before we hit the monorail, we fill our tummies in BackWerk, the sandwich chain which inspired Dusseldorf’s most famous electronic band.

Mrs RM wants to get the monorial map from the tourist office, Across the road next to the Schwebebahn entrance is a futuristic little place that might be it.

Souvenirs, electronic displays, cafe…it takes us five minutes to realise Sparkasse is a bank, by which time we’ve decided to give WuBÄRtal a new home. A Steiff bear for under 10 euros, bargain. I hope that being Steiff doesn’t go to his head.

The actual Tourist office, the best you’ll ever see, sells us Schwebis Fruchtgummi, and gives us free maps detailing all 20 monorail stops.

Shall we attempt a pub at all 20 stops ?

*_{These occasions are recorded on a large spreadsheet accessible only to her own Patronised readers}