“Lower your expectations”. ChatGPT prepares me for bucolic Burgess Hill.

December 2025. Burgess Hill.

If this blog had a Mission Statement, it it would be “to promote the UK’s lesser known highlights” (Leek, Leicester, Leigh) and to warn people away from Maidenhead.

I was aware, from a half hour in Quench a decade ago, that Burgess Hill was rather less alluring than Lewes, 20 minutes down the line.

But they’d made a decent effort with the glossy leaflets, though they’d all gone by the time I got there and the history trail dispenser was empty. A good sign ? Or a bad sign ?

As always, I’d ask my mate ChatGPT for suggestions for the two hours I was likely to spend here.

“Adjust expectations” is the most damning thing you can say about a place, akin to telling someone that Terence Trent Darby’s “Neither Fish Nor Flesh” required “an open mind“.

I pushed ChatGPT a bit, and got this precise summary;

Wow ! Who says AI hasn’t got a sense of humour ! “At its best when you don’t plan to spend long there” is the sort of withering put down us bloggers dream of.

It’s right, though.

The town centre, and indoor shopping mall, are all but deserted two weeks before Christmas.

Perhaps they all take the Retired Martin approach to Christmas Shopping ?

I found just the one interesting shop.

And I can’t explain that to you.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not quite as rundown as Mexborough or Skelmersdale,

it’s just desperate, particularly at the back of the derelict shopping centre, looking towards Civic Way.

It’s all in sharp contrast to the main street of a century ago portrayed in the Spoons.

The one spark of colour comes from the Block & Gasket, whose “trendy” setting and London Pride went untested, so it will no doubt come back in GBG27 to haunt me.

Whether I’m allowed to re-enter the walls of Burgess Hill then is another matter.

If it’s any consolation to Burgess Hill, I don’t think neighbouring Haywards Heath is any better.

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Published by retiredmartin

Retired NHS, doing long walks around UK and the world to record the great bits. Focused on Good Beer Guide pubs and live music.

28 thoughts on ““Lower your expectations”. ChatGPT prepares me for bucolic Burgess Hill.”

  1. Another traditional Sussex game, eh? I was born in Brighton so I should know this…

    Yes, you throw the axe at the dog. If you fail to kill it you have to go into the cage and try to retrieve the axe, while all your mates laugh at you. First one to die gets eaten by the dog.

    This is why Burgess Hill is such a ghost town.

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    1. I was up at 4:30 this morning, gripped by the tale of someone on Mumsnet wanting to “move south”. Because it would be outing, we never to get to find out whether this is Sheffield to Derby, Leeds to Peterborough, or Sunderland to Southsea, or understand the appeal of “the south”. I mean, can you imagine swapping Harrogate for Burgess Hill ?

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    1. Yes, slightly unfair to single out Burgess Hill since Haywards Heath was, pound for pound, even worse.

      Folk from Wigan and Wakefield would stare in amazement at the horror of that shopping centre though.

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      3. There has been a statue of John Bonham erected in Redditch in recent times apparently. I will go over in the new year. I might be able to match you on the trips though as during the last few working years when I was in between contracts I would sign on and was always sent over there. Then I would have a big faff trying to get myself switched to the Solihull office which while still two trains, made more sense timewise plus was nicer.

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  7. ““Lower your expectations”. ChatGPT prepares me for bucolic Burgess Hill.”

    (looks up)
    Crikey. ChatGPT is getting a sense of humour?

    “If this blog had a Mission Statement, it it would be “to promote the UK’s lesser known highlights”

    You do get out and about.

    “and to warn people away from Maidenhead.”

    (slow golf clap)

    “I was aware, from a half hour in Quench a decade ago, that Burgess Hill was rather less alluring than Lewes, 20 minutes down the line.”

    Yes but, how boring would it be if every place were as alluring as everywhere else?

    “But they’d made a decent effort with the glossy leaflets, though they’d all gone by the time I got there and the history trail dispenser was empty. A good sign ? Or a bad sign ?

    Going by what you’ve hinted at earlier, I’m going with bad.

    “As always, I’d ask my mate ChatGPT for suggestions for the two hours I was likely to spend here.”

    (looks down)
    Hmmm. That sounds a bit like it’s right up your alley. 😏

    “Wow ! Who says AI hasn’t got a sense of humour ! “At its best when you don’t plan to spend long there” is the sort of withering put down us bloggers dream of.”

    I can’t wait till ChatGPT turns into an amalgamation of a certain number of Brit Beer Bloggers.

    “It’s right, though.”

    (looks down)
    I spent a day in East Berlin back in Feb of 1981. That pic is giving me flashbacks.

    “The town centre, and indoor shopping mall, are all but deserted two weeks before Christmas.”

    Yikes. That is… not good.

    “Perhaps they all take the Retired Martin approach to Christmas Shopping ?”

    Hah!
    Or, it could be Brighton is close enough to do some proper shopping?
    (checks Google – Ok, scratch that. 17 minutes to drive but at least 56 minutes by train?)

    “And I can’t explain that to you.”

    Looked it up. Yup, it’s axe throwing.

    “It’s not quite as rundown as Mexborough or Skelmersdale,”

    (looks down)
    Wherever that is, words fail me.

    “It’s all in sharp contrast to the main street of a century ago portrayed in the Spoons.”

    (looks down)
    Time moves on alas. Nowadays, urban sprawl in larger areas swallows all around it, and those places too far out slowly fade away. Even in our short history over here, both the US and Canada have ‘ghost towns’. My guess is that picture is from when the Brighton Line from London was finished. (apparently Burgess Hill is where the lines from either side met up)

    “so it will no doubt come back in GBG27 to haunt me.”

    Si would just nod his head to that.

    “If it’s any consolation to Burgess Hill, I don’t think neighbouring Haywards Heath is any better.”

    It comes down to ‘location, location, location’ dunnit? Too close to London (by rail); too close to Brighton (technically). Our railway system over here is substandard (partly because of the distances), but we have a similar thing in a way with major highways going around small towns. No one stops there anymore, they just keep driving. It’s better in northern areas (and the Rockies) as it’s either too difficult to go around a town in the mountains, or the population is so lacking that you NEED to go through small towns, if only to fill up the car, and get a bite to eat. Our trip from Vancouver to Edmonton is roughly 960 miles. Once you get 100 miles out from either major city, there’s a place to stop roughly every 60 miles, more or less. More is you stay south first and then go north at Calgary but ya, going north that’s about par. And if you go way up north, it can be tricky. There’s a stretch of the Alaska Highway that saw quite a few small towns dry up due to Covid. Which means less gas stations. We drove from Whitehorse to Edmonton in late fall a few years ago. The stretch between Watson Lake and Fort Nelson (320 miles) only had two places I remember that still sell gas. Add in the fact the fuel delivery may be late, and in the winter they close early, you need to have spare gas with you.

    Cheers

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      1. I haven’t been back since 1981. Partly because, shortly afterwards in 1983, I joined the Canadian military. Due to my job/trade whilst in the military, upon enlisting I had to indicate if I’d visited a Communist country, even for a day! (they also sent the RCMP to my old high school and neighbours of my parents as part of my background check). I held a security clearance above Top Secret. Even after leaving the military, I was not supposed to visit communist countries, or sail on communist flagged vessels for 10 years.

        But I can heartily agree with your mate that West Berlin was THE place to be back before the Wall came down. Most folk there were of the mindset that the tanks could roll in tomorrow, so let’s party tonight! 🤩

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      3. “Do you mean West Berlin or East Berlin ? My mate would have gone east !”

        I stayed at a Youth Hostel in West Berlin for 4 or 5 days. During that stay a few of us from the hostel went to East Berlin for the day. Phew! That was one weird day. We had to purchase a certain amount of East German Deutschmarks, and couldn’t exchange them back, so we had to find something to do with it. We had some coffee and pastries at a cafe. The cutlery was so light I thought it would float away. Limited options to purchase anything in stores, and no advertising! We visited some museums and one of the staff would follow us around in every room, never left us alone.

        West Berlin was a whole different story. Bars would stay open all night if you kept ordering beer. I would stagger back to the hostel around 6am and slept all day, which other hostels frowned on but they were geared to that in this one.

        The nights in West Berlin were absolutely wild! Some of the bars even had the old “hash under glass” like Amsterdam. You’d buy a small chuck, light it and put it under a glass. You’d lift the bottom of the glass up quickly to take a big whiff, then put it back down to keep it covered for the next person to take a hit.

        And there was definitely ‘kerb crawling’ going on there. Only it was on foot, no vehicle. 😉

        Cheers

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