December 2025. Old Harlow.
A day in Southborough with the in-laws; a cancelled medical appointment causes irritation but a Meal for 3 from Meows compensates a little.
Now this will come as a surprise to Mrs RM but I reckon the landlady of Meows Chinese takeaway in Southborough is probably my favourite person on earth. Her willingness to open early so an 87 year old father-in-law can get his crispy beef will hold her in good stead in my annual awards.
The next morning it’s up to Waterbeach, via a quick stop in Old Harlow, where Mrs RM decides she doesn’t want to “bide awhile amid its hidden charms“.
No, it’s straight into the Guide newbie Marquis of Granby,
an ancient place which tempts you with Dinkelacker,
and Racoon,
and then gives you perhaps the most spartan pub in the whole GBG. And no, there’s not 300 of them.
Hey ! I like plain. People make pubs, and I admire anyone who puts even less effort into putting up the Christmas decorations than I ever have.
All it lacks is a landlord. It’s half twelve on Friday and no-one is about. I make the loo stop I’ve been dying for since Thurrock, notice one other punter clacking balls (not an Essex euphemism, Russ) in the games room, and consider pouring my own pint, Duncan style.
And then that punter emerges again behind the bar. Mudgie would have been distressed.
He’s a gem.
“Check that Bishop Nick is OK. It’s getting close to end of barrel“.
“Tastes OK” say I.
“Martin…it’s off” says Mrs RM, swigging hers.
“She’s got better taste than I have” I explain to the Guvnor.
“Obviously“.
Barrel changed, two pints vigorously pulled through, the Ridley’s (RIP) Rites is is superb….nick (NBSS 3.5+). See what I did there ?
I can’t fault the Marquis, which I’m guessing comes alive rather later. The beer quality is spot on, there’s a soundtrack of Planet Rock,
and it knows it place as a sports and music bar.
A young chap comes to the bar and waits, as the clack of balls drifts in from the next room, but the Landlord already knows what he’s having.
It’s a motley crew (and probably Mötley Crüe) in this year’s GBG, I tell you.
retiredmartin 
That was one dull fire place. What can you expect from folks who write Xmas for Christmas. Ooof!
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A bit like – but maybe not exactly – you’d expect from people who say “holibobs”, Lana?
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Female, Radio 2 presenters??
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Lana, That dull fire place makes me realise that nowadays one doesn’t tend to see fires kept going all winter, the birch tree trunk pushed forward from the centre of the room a few inches each day.
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Where did that silly word come from?!
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Early 90s English offices, adding childish endings on words. See also “choccies”, “biccies”, “walkies”. I remember Janet in our office in 1991 saying it, she was very edge-of-estuary London/Essex.
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Horsey …. doggy … Chrimbo … there must be more.
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Enough already !
I can hear Janet saying “Chrimbo” now, 30 years on 😦
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“but a Meal for 3 from Meows compensates a little.”
(looks down)
That’s a fair dinkum bit of food for 3 people.
“Now this will come as a surprise to Mrs RM but I reckon the landlady of Meows Chinese takeaway in Southborough is probably my favourite person on earth.”
Surely that’s categorical? Mrs RM would probably top the charts in a great majority of whatever categories are assigned to “fave peeps”.
“Her willingness to open early so an 87 year old father-in-law can get his crispy beef will hold her in good stead in my annual awards.”
And rightly so!
“where Mrs RM decides she doesn’t want to “bide awhile amid its hidden charms“.”
A woman of firm decisions. Gotta luv that.
“No, it’s straight into the Guide newbie Marquis of Granby,”
(looks down)
It appears to have a large fireplace.
“an ancient place which tempts you with Dinkelacker,”
(looks down)
Must be popular. They have some sort of bike lock thingy on it.
“and then gives you perhaps the most spartan pub in the whole GBG.”
(looks down)
The fireplace looked much larger from the outside, according to the chimney.
“People make pubs, and I admire anyone who puts even less effort into putting up the Christmas decorations than I ever have.”
(slow golf clap) – on the decorations remark
“notice one other punter clacking balls (not an Essex euphemism, Russ)”
Maybe not over there but, in parts of Canada, it’s cold enough at times that one’s balls could clack!
““Martin…it’s off” says Mrs RM, swigging hers.”
And a woman of taste!
“the Ridley’s (RIP) Rites is is superb….nick (NBSS 3.5+). See what I did there ?”
(looks at pic above)
I was going to suggest it’s a piece of history from when Henry VIII was going bonkers on bishops (maybe one named Ridley?).
But then my keen eye noticed the Brewery is Bishop Nick, whilst the actual beer is Ridley’s Rite, right?
(of course you deliberately misspelled ‘Rites’ with the ‘s’ to try and throw me off)
“and it knows it place as a sports and music bar.”
You stole the ‘s’ from the 2nd ‘it’ to add to ‘Rite’, right? 😉
“as the clack of balls drifts in from the next room,”
See, here we’d write that “as the clack of balls (in snow) drifts in from the next room”.
“It’s a motley crew (and probably Mötley Crüe) in this year’s GBG, I tell you.”
Crickey. That’s the beginning lyrics of a new song!
Cheers
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I hadn’t heard of Dinkelacker which is apparently a German beer from Stuttgart. Racoon are a Dutch band and I wonder if they know that they are being passed off in Old Harlow.
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Jon, Raccoon can also be a hat. Not one from Luton, Atherstone or Stockport but as sung about by Bob Dylan in Subterranean Homesick Blues.
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Didn’t Davey Crockett (King Of The Wild Frontier) wear one?
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I was disappointed it wasn’t actually on the bar, Jon. Unless it was served from a hidden wooden cask in the pool room.
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Is Roast Raccoon a common Crimbo offering in those parts?
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More new than Old Harlow I’d have thought, Scott.
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The most positive thing I can say about that pub is that it looks easy to clean. Ridley’s Rite is a great ordinary bitter that wouldn’t dream of calling itself such. See also Tring’s Side Pocket and Mighty Oak’s Captain Bob. That part of the world seems to do them well.
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There’s not much to chuck about in a fight either.
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That may have been the design brief. Most Essex pubs are notable for tat.
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“Easy to clean” is perfect !
That Bishop Nick is very much in the same bracket as Tring and Mighty Oak, who ought to get more credit.
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