
January 2025. Sheffield.
To Mrs RM’s chagrin (always loved that word) I failed to buy a funeral suit in Cambridge, but partially redeemed myself but buying her a sumptuous slice of millionaire’s shortbread on the way home from arranging Mum’s memorial service.
The Railside Café at Alfreton Station (long story) is highly recommended for the chunky curry, chips and naan for under six quid,

and the introduction of Torpedoes as a new regional term for bread products.

Wednesday afternoon saw me dragged into Sheffield Marks & Spencer’s for a suit I will probably only wear four times (if I’m lucky), which I then had to drag into the pub and remember to pick up off the seat 2 pints later.

The Rutland Arms is definitely one of the Top 3 pubs in Sheffield to take a funeral suit.
It’s also, one of Boak and Bailey’s Top 3 pubs to visit before you die. Jessica and Ray are not only great writers, they clearly have good taste in pubs. So why is it that Wednesday was our first visit undisputed classic to this in over a year (coincidentally that was in the company of Jess) ?
Probably because it’s always packed. But not, it seems. between food sessions on the last Wednesday in Dryanuary.
Mrs RM nabbed the seat and I admired the tat.

I know I’ve taken the photo of the Kernel keg tap, but it was the cask Kernel stout that stood out.

“Just to warn you, it’s 7%” says the helpful barman.
“That’s OK, it’s Boys Bitter strength for my wife“.

Blimey, this was sensationally chewy stuff (NBSS 4.5), wish we saw more Kernel on cask. It made my own Blue Bee Hillfoot, almost the house bitter, a little pale (as it were) in comparison.

I went to explore the board of banned music,

(good, too much Dylan),
and when I got back Mrs RM had overtaken me.

“Is there any culture we should do while we’re here ?” asks Mrs RM, which is code for “Shall we have another of those and get p****d“. It is a skill to understand what women really mean when they speak, a skill I rarely have.
A second pint of the Kernel, then,
“Just to warn you, it’s 7%“,
and a half of Pastore because, Waterbeach, innit ?

But at least I remembered the poppadoms and Monster Munch this time.

And if I had any criticism of the Rutland it would be the absence of a mango chutney dip in the poppadoms and the lack of pickled onion flavour Monster Munch. These things matter.
As does the ritual of pouring your pastry sour into the stout pint glass, producing this magnificent bloom of foam.

They don’t teach you THAT in beer sommelier school.
There’s too much competition in Sheffield to automatically claim a top three spot, it is rather good though.
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Nick Lowe’s pianist Geraint Watkins does a nice version of Chagrin which you can find on YouTube but I prefer him from lockdown days when he’d just natter away and play songs with a train set running on top of his grand piano.
https://m.facebook.com/watch/?v=1030917396993252&vanity=GeraintWWWatkins
His song ” Only A Rose ” is also wonderful.
Great musician.
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If not for the staunch leadership of Mrs RM, I dread to think what you might end up wearing as Father of the Groom in years to come. Although I suppose you’ve pretty much reached the age of “eccentricity”.
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I’ve set aside enough funds for both children to elope to Gretna. Or Annan, if they need cask ale at the reception.
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I doubt there’s enough money in the world to entice them to incur the wrath of the Mother of the Groom.
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Torpedo my arse! That’s a Jumbo Hotdog Roll, they’re making up names now…
(The Real) Mark
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“Torpedo my arse” is a new brown ale by Nene Valley Brewery, isn’t it ?
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I walked straight past the Rutland this afternoon after an epic bus trip from Barnsley (signal failure since you didn’t ask). Do I lose my membership of your club?
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No, I think you win a prize.
Barnsley has that effect on people.
NB I have run out of club badges.
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The Rutland Arms should be to any other pub what Rutland TV was to Midlands Today.
It does seem to have potential in that way perhaps though.
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That’s a very good point. It has a certain style of humour.
I haven’t seen a Rutland TV episode in nearly 50 years and I expect it went over my head then.
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If you had worn your suit into the pub rather than keeping it in a protective wrapping, you’d have had to buy another one. I’ve never been a fan of the Rutland. All that dirt and tat undermines my confidence in the beer, perhaps.
I was last in there 13 months ago when I was given a tip that The Kernel Victorian Mild 5.6% was on the bar. Strangely, it was not as good as the same beer in a bottle from Beer Central in the market, which was where I got the tip.
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Will, The trouble with keeping a suit in a protective wrapping is that it shrinks a bit each year and then is useless when eventually needed for a funeral.
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You noticed that too?
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I’ve always been impressed with beer quality in the Rutland over many years, though it’s a pub I often overlook. Same as Sheffield Tap.
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