retiredmartin

A belated return to the celebrated “Half A Dozen Pubs” series, an early Christmas present. I’ve completed my Christmas present shopping of course; on 1 January, in fact, same as in the last 30 years.

The in-laws have been touting a trip to the Channel Islands next year, and if I didn’t have the concern about leaving my own parents for more than a night or two I’d be up for that.

It took three visits to crack the penultimate chapter of the GBG, and for tickers it’s almost inevitable you’ll need a trip here the year you “complete”, which is why that year of Guide completion is so expensive.

Justt a reminder, the Channel Islands are close to France. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Planning is key.

That whole Channel Islands trip was a little stressful, and the security arrangements for getting us onto the boats with sharp weapons or with migrants in our hand luggage were both tortured and lengthy.

But the five islands are charming and varied. St Brelade’s Bay is gorgeous.

I walked Jersey’s entire coastline in 2014 (Mrs RM wisely left me to it), and was thrilled by the fonts, flowers, and French-sounding potatoes.

The local beer was a lot better in 2022 than in 2014, for which we can thank Butcombe, but I missed undrinkable slop called Patois.

Pubwise, there’s a lot of Bland(ford Forum) in the Islands, but also some classics, though I suspect that if I’d visited a year earlier in COVID restrictions they’d have been less wonderful.

Here’s my first five;

—–

Jersey. St Ouen. The Farmers.

A plain village, a marvellous pub,

the very definition of a Golden Hour.

“Do you take cash ?” I asked.

“I’ll take anything. If you had a pig under your arm I’d take it“.

He really did say that.

“Dunno how many pints I’d give you for it though“.

Perhaps my all-time favourite pub photo.

—–

Jersey. St Helier. Lamplighter

And this is, perhaps, my favourite pub of all.

No, it really might be. The only thing stopping it is that beer quality is stuck resolutely at 3.

But the noise ! Blokes punch the air and say things like “Life creeps up on you” in a Peter Kay accent.

The young barman consoles a sad customer. Two blokes at the bar debate the merits of Watford.

And now it strikes me. The Lamplighter is a Jersey version of Stanley’s Cask in Wallasey. Or the Artillery Arms in Ramsgate. Great, chaotic, pubs to experience life in. And if I do finish the GBG, I may make a heroic trip back to the Lamplighter to do the Whisky card for you.

—–

Alderney. St Annes.

The Alderney tick required a 5am taxi to Guernsey Airport for a 19 seat Dornier trip which I still rate my favourite flight. And in St Anne, I reckon the Blonde Hedgehog served one of the best five breakfasts I’ve ever eaten.

Mrs RM lounged on the white sands while I waited impatiently for the Divers to open,

a plain but comfortable pub where I tried, but failed, to start conversation with a local about the merits of Doom Bar vis-à-vis Liberation.

As with the Scilly Isles, when you visit Alderney you really must visit ALL the pubs. Possibly including the Airport bar.

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Guernsey. St Peter Port. Red Lion.

Guernsey is the prettier town, but Jersey has the better pubs. So I struggled a bit in St Peter Port,

but the Red Lion at least has a sea view, and a pint of Pedi in a jug, and a meat raffle.

—–

Sark. Bel Air Tavern.

I don’t think you’ll find a meat raffle at our 5th pub. If St Peter Port is a bit “Worthing”, and St Hellier rather “Southsea”, then Sark is just Chiswick on their holidays, pretending they could live on an island without roads and cars and Moretti.

I love Sark, and you’ll be unable to resist the Bel Air,

a vibrant place catering for folkies, frumpies and even the French.

What have I missed ? Can YOU make the case for the Mermaid on Herm ?