retiredmartin

Worryingly, some folk have been agreeing with my county selections so I’ll put a stop to that by not picking that nice pub on the seafront and the wrong pub in Hexham.

Only 40 entries in the Northumberland Guide chapter, but I’ve 14 newbies to do this year; that’s the worst completion rate of all counties, fact fans.

It’s not a county you’d expect to see great GBG “churn”, so it’ll be intriguing to see what classics lie in wait amongst those 14. Hopefully as good as this five;

And hopefully something as cosy as the Holly Bush;

Greenhaugh – Holly Bush

I’d have liked a pick in Bellingham as that’s where I did my 10,000th GBG pub in 2017, but Greenhaugh is just up the road at the start of the National Park and the Holly Bush is still in the Guide, so fair’s fair.

Simple, cosy, and most importantly at the moment, warm.

“Three locals at the bar, one tucking into her Cumberland sausage (“Get it doon yer neck, pet“) , another claiming to be “absolutely mortal“. Perhaps this is where Geordies dismayed by the gentrification of the Free Trade hide out these days.“

“As various characters came and went from the bar, I did wonder if I’d stumbled on a piece of performance art sponsored by the Sage.”

Just the one beer, something you’d never heard of, and that was plenty. Less beer, more characters.

In complete contrast, next up is your smart town Spoons;

Hexham – The Forum

Look ! It’s recommended in the OFFICIAL guide to that Hadrian’s Wall we (sort of walked) after Lockdown eased.

OK, they also recommend the Heart of Northumberland that divides opinion but that’s too posh for the likes of all but Etu and Pauline, I suspect. The Globe was great, to be fair.

But the JDW has the historic old building, a conversion of Hadrian’s actual forum where the next week’s guest ale are selected, the usual decent beers, and a hundred odd folk packed in to a pub on the first week of pubs reopening indoors (2021).

“The Forum rang with the joyous sound of drunk female laughter, their children playing the fruit machines, and Mrs RM made some comment about “the glass is smaller but the wine is fuller” that may be a metaphor for something.“

And sometimes a matchless cookie dough sandwich (NCDSSS 4.5) paired with a pint of Abbot amid hordes of shrieking dolled up women is exactly what you want coming out of a pandemic, not an Old Bloke’s boozer.

Our next pub is, miraculously, a mix of Old Boys boozer and private party.

Berwick – Free Trade

Yes, photos from Google I’m afraid, as my last visit was 8 years ago, though I quite fancy a return in the Spring.

In 2016 I wrote “With conversation about Ozzy Osbourne’s recovery prospects before Download Festival, and TV horseracing, I thought this was as wonderful as ever.  It evoked the basic pubs of South Glasgow, and whisky is probably your best bet.  And the pennies in the urinal trough are still accumulating“.

The photos of the urinals (mens) are only available to Patronised readers.

NB What Pub says “if travelling a long distance an advance telephone call could prove useful.”

I think you’ve a fair chance of our next pub being open if you turn up at 09:30 on a Tuesday in January, though I’d advise saving that boat trip to see the bird droppings on the Farne Islands till it’s a bit less windy than today.

Seahouses – Ship

Very touristy indeed,

but the bar area has that boisterous air that the jolliest middle-aged couples bring after a couple of glasses of wine or pints of continental lager.

How gorgeous is that ? And what a wonderful spot to be given, in amongst the gentlefolk Geordies drinking Amstel, our national drink (before Madri came over from Spain, obvs).

The chatty chap from Hexham told me business in shop fittings was booming in the market towns, even while the cities slept, and based on recent travels I agreed.

And while at the Northumbrian coast, you must try Haddock and chips from Lewis’s; Baa Baa Toure couldn’t finish it, but I did.

Finally, before I hand over to you to yell “Low Newton !” or “Is Newcastle in Northumberland ?“,

Morpeth – The Office

Partly included because Morpeth is often overlooked in favour of Alnwick with its hoity-toity castle and gardens, but you should take the fast train here from Newcastle for lovely Carlisle Park, multiple bridges, an original Tap & Spile among five (5) GBG entries, and one of the micropubs that top ticker Maltmeister likes.

The Office reminded me of the Bankers Draft in Pendle, more a characterful small pub than a manic micro, with (gasp !) younger couples.  OK, 49 is young to us.

Very friendly, and they really do say  “Wey aye pet”. But the beer, murk from Two by Two and Almasty, was as cutting-edge as it gets (particularly back in 2018).

Right, enough from me tonight. What’s our sixth pick ?