A SARK CREAM TEA AND NBSS 3.5+ SPECIAL

I think I shot my bolt with that first Sark post. I also misspoke (lied) to you; it was 2013 not 2014 when I last visited. You can’t believe anything I write anymore, if you ever did.

Anyway, lets explore the rest of the island, just in case we’ve missed a pub.

You can walk it all in a couple of hours. The main activities on Sark are wearing shorts, sandals and boaters, waiting for your suitcase to be delivered to your guest house by tractor, and having a cream tea at Stocks Hotel.

OK, OK, there’s a little shop,

and lots of nice flowers to misidentify,

and if you’re very brave (Simon) the Visitor Centre will fire you out of a cannon to Herm so you can tick the Mermaid there.

I strongly recommend the walk to La Coupee, the isthmus that connects Big and Little Sark.

DO NOT ride your bike across here. In fact, don’t ride a bike at all, ever.

Think how fast you’d hit those rocks if you slipped.

No, take the photo, and head back to Stocks, which you’ll expect to be dreadful but the cream tea will be the best thing you’ve eaten all day. Warm, moist scone, local jam, too much cream, endless tea.

I’m afraid that you’ll have to do the Bel Air at some point. It’s the pub you go to first, or last.

It’s like all the worst bits of Latitude when Mumford & Son are playing, self-absorbed loud middle classes congratulating themselves on reaching Sark, as if it’s Manea or Manilla or Michigan. A local I cannot identify told me the Mermaid is a Proper Pub, the Bel Air is full of “wine w*****s“.

The pub itself is great, the garden even better,

even if the beer was £2.50 a half. It’s the sort of place you could miss a boat in.

Don’t do that. Drink the Randall’s Bull Dog (cool, rich, 3.5+),

and head back to the boat so you don’t have to sit outside and freeze on the way home.

It is INEVEITABLE you will have to queue behind a bloke with knitting needles sticking out of his bag,

DO NOT STEAL THEM.

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