Next stop, Cleveleys,

noted for its high class boutiques,

and retro punk festivals*, apparently.

£50 to hear 60 year olds croak through “Peaches“, “Teenage Kicks” and “It’s A Mystery“. A fool and their money….

Your cash is far better spent on ticking pubs by the seaside. The Shipwreck Brewery Co had the added attraction of being marked on the wrong spot on the GBG app, wasting 5 minutes that would later prove critical.

But enough of that. I expected the worst, and received the best.

On the bus I’d decided I was definitely having pies, peas and a pint for £5.95, and I NEVER change my mind, except in a specific and limited way.

As you’ll know by now, you can trust a pub with Rocky Road cakes on the bar.

The bar itself is a bit more modern seaside cafe than micro, but they’ve really made an effort to make it feel different. The soundtrack is the first album by The 1975. The ENTIRE album !

80 year olds say “Bloomin ‘eck” and “Gotta skirt to match it !” and I feel like a Northerner.

There’s an Oatmeal Stout on the pumps, but I feel obliged to have a pint of their homebrew, even though it will taste like homebrew. The barman seems to nod in approval.

The Swallow Blonde (stop, Russ) doesn’t taste like homebrew, in fact it tastes like Moorhouses. Perhaps it is. Cool and crisp, it’s a 3.5.

The steak and ale pie and peas needs chips, even if I really don’t (NS&AP&PSS 3).

I love the place, the gentlefolk with shopping bags love it, the courting couple love it. Yes, people still “court” in Cleveleys.

The barman takes my plate away and almost takes my glasses with it. “Don’t take ‘is glasses !” says the Old Boy opposite, and I nod in thanks.

Then I realise I’ve just missed my tram.

*OK, OK, it’s at the Winter Gardens


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