HANG THE MONKEY

Never let it be said that us pub bloggers don’t take you on the road less travelled, eschewing honeypot UK.

Simon is in bucolic Bromley, Duncan just back from Estonia, a suburb of Kilmarnock I think, and of course Life After Football is STILL struggling to find his way out of Coalville.

I was in Hartlepool. Along with a thousand police enforcing local lockdowns in Seaton Carew or confiscating “Release Colin” T-shirts or something,

As you’ll know, Hartlepool(s) is famous for two animals; H’angus the spy monkey

and this horse that gives tourists rides along the promenade.

It’s only 165 years since Hartlepool was a major tourist destination, as folk would leave the joys of banked Bass in the Stockton Sun or parmos in Norton for lager in the Rat Race.

Cheap. But what is Greatham

I’m fibbing of course. The Rat Race has never sold lager.

NO FUN

The Rat Race, the second ever micropub, is also closed due to Government regulations banning micropubs.

But fret not (I wasn’t); Hartlepool is more worthy of a visit than at any time since Keith Houchen played for ‘Pools.

I spent an hour there, and STILL don’t know why it was called West Hartlepool when presumably an East Hartlepool would be underwater ?

Sadly, the walkway from Church Street to the Quay was fenced off, so I’ll have to come back with Stafford Paul and bring you reports on that and the Proper Pubs on the Headland.

Plenty of Strongarm with a giant head on the headland, supplied by one of the UK’s top craft breweries.

Camerons

The Church Street area below the station is Hartlepool’s Mill Road, its Wellington Road, its Portland Street.

Pizzas, memorials, boarded-up pubs, and a Spoons.

Irish Sea Dave has probably been here

Most of the town seemed to be in the Ward Jackson drinking shots, but I headed for the excellent Hops and Cheese, a worthy new GBG entry.

Craft

I entered to Weller singing,

“A police car and a screaming siren”

and indeed the town seemed full of police. Goodness knows what it’ll be like if Sutton United fans are allowed into town when they play at Victoria Park.

More craft bar than micro, it would have been great with a few incomprehensible local arguments to eavesdrop in on, but a chorizo scotch egg and Half Moon Wilma touching NBSS 4.

Quite marvellous food and beer matching from you favourite beer sommelier

I may well persuade Paul in here for a DIPA when we do the Headland pubs, and as a man of the world Paul will, I’m sure, be able to identify this weird object on the floor outside.

If it’s a Teesside prophylactic, I don’t want to know.

8 thoughts on “HANG THE MONKEY

  1. “Never let it be said that us pub bloggers don’t take you on the road less travelled”

    In the map above, why is the Pink Domino line in purple?

    “or confiscating “Release Colin” T-shirts or something,”

    Admittedly, Simon does treat Colin like slave labour at times.

    ” H’angus the spy monkey”

    Blimey. I thought everyone knew Frenchies look like frogs. Monkeys are, um, someone else entirely!

    “But what is Greatham”

    A suburb of Hartlepool apparently. And is the Simon Chester at the bottom of the sign the inspiration for naming a (nearby) village Chester-le-Street?

    “is also closed due to Government regulations banning micropubs.”

    Is there any rhyme or reason for why certain places can open and others are closed?

    “and STILL don’t know why it was called West Hartlepool when presumably an East Hartlepool would be underwater ?”

    Easy. Global Warming, innit?

    “Pizzas, memorials, boarded-up pubs, and a Spoons.”

    Breathtaking.

    “Irish Sea Dave has probably been here”

    Hang on. In one of the photos above there’s a statue. Of what appears to be an older white gent! Surely all of those have been pulled down by now!

    “More craft bar than micro,”

    Well yes, obviously. Otherwise, by government decree, it would be closed.

    “but a chorizo scotch egg”

    Oooh! My darling wife puts bacon and chorizo jam on her pork burgers. 🙂

    “Paul will, I’m sure, be able to identify this weird object on the floor outside.”

    It’s either part of the insignia from an old Buck Rogers uniform or it’s part of a mask from that famous Mexican wrestler. 😉

    Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Many of the micropubs wouldn’t be able to keep folk safely apart, and they wouldn’t fancy doing table service if bar service wasn’t impractical. Some of them judge their mainly at risk (over 60 and overweight) customers are staying at home at the moment so not viable, but they might do takeouts.

      Like

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