2nd March 2020
My latest trip took me to Cumbria, which you’ll remember from my big spreadsheet is one of the key counties, a Super Tuesday of a county if you will.
What a lovely bit of OS the South Lakes make.
All the pubbing greats are heading here this last year. BRAPA reached Levens in October, and Irish Sea Dave seems determined to visit all of Barrow’s keg pubs in a week.
I rather envy Dave his string of “earthy gems“.
I bet he doesn’t get asked “Are you joining us for lunch ?”, as I am in the Hare & Hounds. An odd phrase, implying the Landlady will be sharing a takeaway with you.
Quite a contrast between Nottinghamshire’s community micros and Cumbria’s succession of destination gastropubs.
But it’s pristine, the handpumps gleam, and the pepper pots replacing jam jars is a nice touch.
“Er, just a half of Pale” I say, apologetically.
“Enjoy it” She goes back to writing on the chalkboards.
“Right, I need a funny Monday quote“. I can’t help with that.
I survey the seating options.
“You can sit just there” I’m told, directed to a table without reservations.
It’s a nice table, and she’s very helpful and professional, but I feel out of place, with just one of other table of gentlefolks saying “Lovely“.
Sadly the Pale isn’t as crisp as I like it either, and a 3 becomes a 2.5 over the course of ten minutes during which I decide to dump it. Life’s too short to drink 2.5 beer.
“Is Number Five just having drinks ?” says the Landlord as he passes my table.
“Yeah, and he’s paid for it as well. It’s not on tick (?)”
They’re talking about me; I’m Number Five. Reader, I am NOT a number.
Levens is a charming village of holiday cottages, painters and decorators and a pink dinosaur.
But it’s no Barrow.
retiredmartin 
That is absolutely classic. Not even asking you directly. Wow.
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I called in here a couple of years ago, at the tail-end of lunchtime, and have to say I didn’t feel remotely at home. IIRC Simon felt the same. The South Lakes may be scenically impressive, but it doesn’t have many non-gentrified pubs.
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Simon was a bit more generous as he turned up late on Monday when there were a couple of locals. I can’t imagine it feeling pubby even then.
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On tick =pay later -a Northern expression
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Thank you Northern Pauline.
I’d heard “on tick” but never in a gastropub 🤔
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I’ve heard ‘on the slate’ more often than ‘on tick’.
Maybe it’s a regional thing.
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Yes, slate is common.
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I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so offended on your behalf as when I saw you referred to as “number 5”! Alas, some landlords clearly don’t know when they are in the presence of pub ticking royalty. 😉
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At least you weren’t number 6!
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Leon,
At the barbers recently it was someone new and he asked me what ‘number’ haircut I wanted. I had no idea.
I would understand ‘number one’ and ‘number two’ with reference to inadequate micropub toilet provision.
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🔺In your hair is No. 1, like the patent.
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I always ask for a number 2 back and sides. I’ve no idea what the number means but it seems to work.
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What can possibly go wrong?
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Good point. 😉
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