Not really, of course. It only kicks off in Keswick when two septuagenarians fight over the last scone or one of them suggests actually going for a walk in the new boots they’ve bought at 45% off in Mountain Warehouse.

Lakeland walking – the reality

Or someone wants to make a return visit to the Pencil Museum, the dullest sounding museum in the UK (apart from Shakespeare’s house).

Making pencils interesting since 1952

I found Keswick unbearably twee in 2003, which rhymes and would have made a great blog title.

Undeniably a great OS extract

Pleasingly, it’s as twee as ever, and I though it most handsome, even if I had to move at half my normal speed to accommodate slowbies in Barbour.

Apples on the tree to celebrate Newton’s birthday

For today’s five pints, name the pub;

Cornish pasties in Cumbria
Iconic Keswick giraffe

BRAPA hadn’t warmed to The Wainwright a month ago and the signage doesn’t inspire confidence, does it ?

Something just wrong with that fontage

Simon turned up when it was frenetic; I showed up when it was empty. Is it me ?(probably).

Repeat after me. Less is more.

I’ll say this. Those folks what like to see a bar full of unfamiliar homebrew will love this one.

I chose the one with the most words on the pump clip.

3.2% but didn’t taste it. More like 1.2%

IF there was ever a pub you’d just want to spend your minimum amount of time in, Wainwright, Keswick (1592 / 2809) was it”wrote BRAPA, with reason.

Even the pot plant wasn’t suitable for tipping.

Pointless pot plant

Luckily the urinals were superb.


Simon hadn’t exactly inspired me with his thoughts on The Pheasant a mile north of the centre, but my spirits lifted as I wandered lonely as a cloud alongside the probably poisonous white berries.

No, you try it
Looks OK, bar the emphasis on food

Any confidence I had in the Pheasant disappeared by 12:01.

Cushions !
Fire awaits the party of 21

At least I was spared the 15 minute disco remix of “Rocket Man” that traumatised young BRAPA, but I’m not sure the soundtrack was getting past Christmas 1977.

Would you like to set up a tab ?” asked the nice lady as she handed me a half of Night Vision. I have “tabs” in the same bracket as jam jars, tasters and taxis.

More to the point, what HAVE Jennings done to their pump clips ?


A party of 21 was about to come in, probably waiting for me to leave so I wouldn’t poke fun at their inability to deal with being in a pub, so it was just me.  Alone again, naturally like in the song.

Excellent beer (NBSS 3.5+).

BeerMat standards
Best of the month

But however good the beer, there’s something dispiriting about sitting alone in a dining pub listening to Slade and Elton JohnWhere have all the lunchtime drinkers gone ?

Don’t answer that.


  1. And they have the cheek to call their new incarnation of Bitter, which is or was about the darkest standard bitter in the country, an “amber beer”. They also look rather similar to the new Moorhouse’s pumpclips.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. “look rather similar to the new Moorhouse’s pumpclips” – yes, because both breweries know that a predominantly white pumpclip background stands out best against a dark bar back. .

        Liked by 2 people

  2. ‘what HAVE Jennings done to their pump clips?’

    Nothing. Marston’s, however, have form for this sort of marketing vandalism which has clearly infected the smaller operations.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. And another thing, Lake Road INN? It was always the Lake Road Vaults. I’m guessing another Robinsons disappointing grey interior too. Then the Wainwright – it was the Four In Hand. Not surprised at the Pheasant, it’s been food-led for years.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The photo of the Bank Tavern brings back some memories although I’ve not been there for nearly thirty years in part because of the 1972 closure of the railway line for ‘improving’ the A66, surely the stupidest thing that ever happened in Cumbria.


      1. LAF,
        No, sadly not.
        It’s thirty miles north-westwards but Mrs TSM likes the food there and never minds driving.
        ( She’ll even drive t’other Pub Men from central Uttoxeter out to the Plough and back )


  5. Forget the pubs in Keswick and try Bryson’s tea room. Proper cakes and a bizarre numbered sheet order taking system for till input. I suspect Mrs RM would be fascinated and appalled.


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