From the charm and sophistication of Somerset to the charm and sophistication of Middlesbrough in one swift seven hour detour up the A1.

I’d been away from the True North for too long. At least a week.

First time in Guisborough since 2006, when we travelled from Whitby for what Michael Winner would have called an “historic” Welsh Rarebit. Twice.

Now I travel for what Google calls a wine bar, which I suppose is less offensive than m**** **b.

It was drizzling, so I can’t bring you many highlights of gorgeous Guisborough, a town where Smogmonsters come for Parmo AND Prosecco.

Limited micropub potential, to be fair

In a rare moment of good judgement, I abandoned plans for my own ‘Boro parmesan and succumbed to the Old School Chinese takeaway next door to my tick.

Looks sad, was great

The Monk looks the sort of cafe/bistro/craft bar popping up from Lichfield to Luton Lewes.

There’s a well near the entrance, supposedly to give monks a secret route out of the priory in the 13th Century on Friday nights, but we all know it’s really there for BRAPA to fall down, don’t we?

If the hole doesn’t get him, the jangly dangly things probably will.

Let’s be frank. Even on Teesside where middle-aged folk still dress up for an evening out, I still raise the average age by about a century.

But it’s cheery and the staff seem really enthusiastic about their local microbrews. A mixed blessing, that.

One of them is that Tyne Bank Porter I fell for at its Newcastle taproom.

This one was sharp, tart, perhaps even sour. Just like me.

I enjoyed it (NBSS 3) but I’m still not sure whether I should have.

One to dress up for. Which rules me out.

24 thoughts on “A MONK IN GUISBOROUGH

  1. “which I suppose is less offensive than m**** **b.”

    I figured out ‘pub’ but blowed if I know what that the first word is.

    “a town where Smogmonsters come for Parmo AND Prosecco.”

    In the same glass?

    “Looks sad, was great”

    Gloomy weather will do that.

    “but we all know itโ€™s really there for BRAPA to fall down, donโ€™t we?”

    LOL, yup! ๐Ÿ™‚

    “the jangly dangly things probably will.”

    He’s not that tall.

    “This one was sharp, tart, perhaps even sour. Just like me.”

    You’re not telling us anything we don’t already know.

    “Which rules me out.”

    You could dress up as a tart, with knives sticking out*?


    * – indicating the sharp bit


  2. The true north is Middlesbrough? Who knew? My beer in that pub was served in rank condition so will be surprised if it makes the 2020 edition, in a town that has had numerous entries over the years.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, yours is the definitive view on that, Duncan. I bet you didn’t confront the barmaid with a fault finding card either, did you?

      Bring back that lovely back street boozer that served Strongarm, say I.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Used to get plenty of Strongarm there with an ice cream like head. No I didnโ€™t change it / was driving and it gave me another permitted unit. Should really challenge it I know.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s not about changing it, Duncan, it’s about educating a bar person on close to minimum wage about beer faults, so that they can discuss the matter in team meetings.

        So I’m told.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve not seen that before, combining ground and first floors so that it’s not ‘poky’ and will NEVER be referred to as a “m**** **b”.
    Er, but “Monday closed” means all that expensive demolition work was wasted.


  4. Guisborough IS NOT on Teeside, it’s on the North Yorkshire Moors. Although in the modern county of Cleveland, it remains in the county of Yorkshire for ceremonial purposes – well there’s nothing remotely ceremonial about Middlesbro’ is there?


      1. Worse … we’ve had wars about that sort of thing you know. I can remember when Yorkshire CC used to regularly play at Middlesboro’, in fact they used to play all around Yorkshire, I remember going to Shaw lane in Barnsley on the bus with flask and sandwiches to watch Sir Geoffrey Boycott with a school friend … and he said ‘Hello’ to us. Snowflake parents would never allow two ten/eleven year olds to go into town for a day out on their own these days. Obviously Sir Geoffrey is a neighbour of ours these days.


      2. You’d have needed plenty of sandwiches to last you through a Boycott innings. A good book to read would have helped too.


      3. It’s very sad that nowadays snowflake parents make their ten/eleven year olds Boycott anywhere beyond the front door.
        When I were that age I’d be off to t’contryside for hours – that’s after I’d finished my ten hour shift down t’pit.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. > I can remember when Yorkshire CC used to regularly play at Middlesboroโ€™…..

        They played in the County Championship at York last week for the first time since 1898.

        Wonder how many RM readers remember that ?

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadly, this was the last comment from Richard, who I’ve just heard yesterday.

        That’s made me very sad, though clearly my main thoughts are with his wife Cheryl and family.

        Very sad.


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