retiredmartin

 

The odds of me headlining my last Surrey post with posh hand lotion were high, perhaps 88%.

The alternative was this one.

But you don’t want to lead with a toilet sign too often.

So, back to Chiddingfold, a year after this atrocity;

Both that horror in the Winterton Arms, and a previous pint in the Swan, were among the worst beers I’ve ever drunk.

Could the other pub in the village make it a hat-trick ?

No.  The Crown takes the, er, crown. In Chiddingfold, at least.

Of course, it’s the small bar to a very upmarket hotel, where they probably park your Bentley in the shed and the bar snacks aren’t scratchings.

“Baked Camembert with garlic & rosemary warm crusty baguette  £13.50 for 2 “

It’s worth a look at the windows and a fireplace that actually predates the arrival of gastropubs in Surrey. It’s actually the date Grolsch was founded, that beer with the flip top.

You probably assume that the Crown isn’t very BRAPA-tastic, with genteel couples sipping coffee and planning investment switches away from pumpkin sours.

But posh people are often unintentionally hilarious, as they’ve literally NEVER been in a pub before.  Or at least they act like it (SEE: Burnham Market in June). And they queue.

The cheery, helpful barman asks one customer if she’d like to pay by Contactless when she presents her card.

“WHY would you say that !”

“Because many people pay by contactless”

“But WHY would you say that ?”

I guess you had to be there.  Why do posh people seem so incapable of conducting basic transactions without drama ?

An Old Colonel purchased, eventually, a huge glass of wine, and turned to find another couple at his table.

“Excuse me, that’s MY table”

“Oh, we’ll move”

“Yes, you’re in my seat”.

I just had a half of the Beer of the Month and hid from the barely concealed loathing.

The table I had (the others were being guarded for dear life) was too low. Of course. But it gave me earshot of an enchating conversation about Mark and Helen’s request that their parents have Nala so they can go to Nottingham.  Then the phone went dead.

The Dunsfold Ale started off cool and fruity and turned into a lot of nothingness, but I didn’t resent the Crown’s GBG status. I did wonder if “Beer of the Month” means they keep the same barrel on for the whole of April, though.

And there we go;

Phew.

NB Best new Surrey GBG pub – the Lincoln Arms, Dorking. As un-Surrey as you’ll get. I’d love to swap the clientele in the Crown with the blokes in the Lincoln for an afternoon.