The odds of me headlining my last Surrey post with posh hand lotion were high, perhaps 88%.

The alternative was this one.


But you don’t want to lead with a toilet sign too often.

So, back to Chiddingfold, a year after this atrocity;

Don’t ask what the white stuff is

Both that horror in the Winterton Arms, and a previous pint in the Swan, were among the worst beers I’ve ever drunk.

Could the other pub in the village make it a hat-trick ?

Rare actual object as pub sign scenario

No.  The Crown takes the, er, crown. In Chiddingfold, at least.

No idea if that’s the Chiddingfold crest

Of course, it’s the small bar to a very upmarket hotel, where they probably park your Bentley in the shed and the bar snacks aren’t scratchings.

“Baked Camembert with garlic & rosemary warm crusty baguette  £13.50 for 2 “

Proper pub seating

It’s worth a look at the windows and a fireplace that actually predates the arrival of gastropubs in Surrey. It’s actually the date Grolsch was founded, that beer with the flip top.

1615 and all that

You probably assume that the Crown isn’t very BRAPA-tastic, with genteel couples sipping coffee and planning investment switches away from pumpkin sours.

But posh people are often unintentionally hilarious, as they’ve literally NEVER been in a pub before.  Or at least they act like it (SEE: Burnham Market in June). And they queue.

The queue

The cheery, helpful barman asks one customer if she’d like to pay by Contactless when she presents her card.

“WHY would you say that !”

“Because many people pay by contactless”

“But WHY would you say that ?”

I guess you had to be there.  Why do posh people seem so incapable of conducting basic transactions without drama ?

An Old Colonel purchased, eventually, a huge glass of wine, and turned to find another couple at his table.

“Excuse me, that’s MY table”

“Oh, we’ll move”

“Yes, you’re in my seat”.

I just had a half of the Beer of the Month and hid from the barely concealed loathing.

Never have the beer of the month

The table I had (the others were being guarded for dear life) was too low. Of course. But it gave me earshot of an enchating conversation about Mark and Helen’s request that their parents have Nala so they can go to Nottingham.  Then the phone went dead.


The Dunsfold Ale started off cool and fruity and turned into a lot of nothingness, but I didn’t resent the Crown’s GBG status. I did wonder if “Beer of the Month” means they keep the same barrel on for the whole of April, though.


And there we go;

It is finished


NB Best new Surrey GBG pub – the Lincoln Arms, Dorking. As un-Surrey as you’ll get. I’d love to swap the clientele in the Crown with the blokes in the Lincoln for an afternoon.


  1. I see an ancient instruction on the fireplace that it’s to be lit at 4.15pm.

    Has that man at the back of the queue been waiting so long that he’s having a wee ?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Never went in the Crown during my time in Surrey. I think I thought it looked offputtingly posh.

    I’m seeing a lot of Long Man beers cropping up recently. Not too bad a range, apart from being at least three beers too many.


      1. I like Berkshire. The CAMRA branches in Reading and West Berks will put a back street boozer with Doom Bar on if the quality is right, bless ’em.


  3. Just down the road from me and sadly The Crown is just as you described it….about 10 years ago it was a bit warmer and pubby, with a nice welcome and fantastic (normal) food…..I live in Surrey and I feel out of place there!!!

    Glad you survived……

    Liked by 1 person

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