Of all the places in the UK that seem to function only as Beer Guide headings, Hoyland is probably the greatest.

Unless you can tell me any other reason why Hoyland exists.

Yes, I do lump Elsecar in with Hoyland

For context, I know people who’ve never been to Sheffield, let alone Barnsley. They probably think Hoyland is in Holland. But this cluster of a village is home to more GBG pubs than Luton, which I bet the Tourist Office is thrilled about.

Of course, when one of your pubs is run by a legend like Brad, you’re winning already.

“There’s nowt such thing as bad beer, it’s just they that keep it that spoil it”

Tap & Brew will win no prizes for originality of name or design.


Yes, another new (2017) micro in the Guide, but at least it’s open all week, which sounds positively decadent.

And it’s the first pub I’ve been to where I’m met at the door by pre-teen children lugging metal beer barrels up stairs in the pub.

Can you help us mister ?”

Clearly, I gave them a hand; Children’s Orthopaedic services are stretched in South Yorkshire.  They were heavy.

What are you bring those barrels in for ” asked bewildered Mum, just opening up.

Are you from the brewery” she asked.  Do I look like I come from a brewery ?

Anyway, I lugged the barrel of Acorn Barnsley back out onto the street.  Perhaps it was all subliminal advertising, as I only had eyes for the Acorn after that.

A rare instance where jam jars useful (joking)
ABK – last seen in Digbeth

I’ll just go and get the sparkler for that

Noooo.  Don’t bother.  I’ll have it flat please

That’s obviously considered on the same level as adding lemonade to Tim Taylor Landlord up here.

Ugh. Are you one of them Southerners then ?”  It was asked in jest.

Our Landlady knew her beer, and kept it well, though I really should have had a head on the Barnsley (NBSS 3.5).

No photos, of course, but our two child slaves provided much entertainment; the girl sulking and the boy explaining J-Pop, which isn’t Hanson’s follow-up single.

Quieten down.  This gent came in for a quiet drink”

Bloke who came in for a quiet drink

I really didn’t. I like life, however tinny.

Yes, I did trip over the scooter on the way out.



  1. Why Hoyland exits ?
    Because like most of the rest of God’s Own Country it voted for it.
    I’d like to see a Corbynista tell a Yorkshireman he was too stupid to understand what he was voting for.
    Anyway,enough about Brexit – what an earth possessed you to ask for a flat pint …

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Looks like a quality Yorkshire micro (which are always going to be different to micros anywhere else in the country). Top place Hoyland Common – if only because I was brought up a few miles away in Scholes (what better reason…).

    I can see that you’ve experienced first hand that Southerners are a complete mystery to South Yorkshire folk and vice versa. When I first introduced my future wife to my Dad – she couldn’t understand a word of his South Yorkshire dialect (though to be fair he didn’t get her to carry beer barrels upstairs).
    PS – Reference my latest post – you don’t have an alias called Matthew do you…?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Yes, I do lump Elsecar in with Hoyland”

    I’ll take your word for it. Trying to look at that map is making my eyes water.

    “Perhaps it was all subliminal advertising, as I only had eyes for the Acorn after that.”

    Very true that.

    “ABK – last seen in Digbeth”

    Is their beer named Eels?

    “Bloke who came in for a quiet drink”

    And probably just the one. From the look of him he can’t put too many away at one go.

    “Yes, I did trip over the scooter on the way out.”

    Classic. 🙂



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