Since I’m here, I may as well tell you about my last Lincolnshire GBG tick for the year. Hopefully this will inspire young Simon to up his game and get to Cleethorpes (5 Guide pubs, scary nightclubs and 5 donuts for a quid).

Lincs licked

I’d be interested in lifeafterfootball‘s view on Cleethorpes; if your only experience of it is being abused at Blundell Park you may not be its No. 1 fan.

I certainly hadn’t expected a return visit so soon, having seemingly done every conceivable outlet last year. But that’s the joy of “tiny pubs“, ruining ticking for GBG completists since 2005.

In April 2017 the skies were blue. A year later the skies were blue, but it must have been 15 degrees warmer, bringing millions of Midlanders (not all of them over 65) to the beach.

Cleethorpes.  In April

Nothing on earth beats the English seaside when the sun shines. Except perhaps the Welsh seaside. Mind you, the actual sea was so far away that two lads had reached Denmark without getting their feet wet.

Two blokes walking to Esbjerg visible in distance

On the downside, I had my first 2018 sighting of Men Without Shirts, which would have made a great band name.  When they did wear shirts, blokes tended to favour Leeds or Scotland strips.

I walked from the real station to the toy station.

All change

Sadly Pleasure Island lays abandoned, the rotting remnants of castles and rides ripe for (illegal) exploration.


Still plenty of attractions along the coast, including huge calorific cake on the Pier,


the worlds biggest collection of toy grabbing machines,


and the self-acclaimed “Smallest Pub on the Planeton the platform of the light railway which takes you from Cleethorpes to Cleethorpes.

It’s small
Toy train

My tweet from the scene says it all, as does the response from those West Londoners, relishing a challenge from The North.

The Kingston reference is to Claygate, which like Cleethorpes has no space inside to sit, which makes them a kiosk rather than a pub in my book.  Next year a bloke will stand on the boating lake with a cardboard box over his head dispensing York Terrier from a growler; that can then be the smallest pub on the planet.

For now, this one’ll do.


Anyway, bloke in a singlet, his mum in a raincoat.  All you need to know about the English seaside.







  1. “Cleethorpes. In April”

    If that’s your version of millions, then I’m a bloody millionaire! 🙂

    “Nothing on earth beats the English seaside when the sun shines.”

    Except perhaps a cold beer on a hot day anywhere by the sea. 😉

    “All change”

    Egad! I read that and all I could think of was ‘Supper’s Ready’ by Genesis. 🙂

    “Sadly Pleasure Island lays abandoned”

    Hmmm; pleasure and abandoned; there’s a double entendre in there somewhere. 😉

    “which makes them a kiosk rather than a pub in my book.”

    Indeed. Or maybe a micropub as Whatpub states:

    “Check if travelling any distance to visit as opening is weather dependent.”

    Besides, Pete Brown has The Signal Box Inn listed as the smallest pub in his coffee table type book, The Pub (page 169). 🙂

    “Anyway, bloke in a singlet,”

    You’re talking about the fellow in the green in the photo just below the above quote? In these gender fluid times is it appropriate to use the term ‘bloke’? (rolls eyes) 🙂


    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was thinking the same Russ, as the gender-neutral person in the photo doesn’t look like a bloke; unless high heels are the latest male fashion accessory in Cleethorpes.


  2. KP peanuts and two cask makes a pub:) “Nothing on earth beats the English seaside when the sun shines.” Truer words have never been written.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It does seem a bit of a gimmick, if they’re calling it a pub. They probably wish they could build an adjacent gift shop, three times the size, for selling “I’ve been to the smallest pub in England” tee shirts. 😉


  3. Well done on finishing Lincs. Difficult county to complete. This pub has eluded me due to not being open in the winter (according to the website anyway). Long way for a single tick so may have to overlap the 2019 Guide into an autumn trip. Must visit Pleasure Island- looks great!
    Ps I had assumed rumours of sunshine to be fake news but you have proved otherwise. Still waiting here…


    1. I have a head start on you, Duncan ! Only 3 hours from Cambridge. Should have said, I phoned them TWICE before I set off to confirm they were opening. Does seem to be the case. Given nearly all seating in the open, goodness knows what you do when it inevitably rains next year.

      Did you follow that link to the website that broke in just after Pleasure Island closed ? Doesn’t look like that now. Was actually a really pleasant theme park.

      Mrs RM came back from Melrose last night – she said “pleasant” but wasn’t prepared for the 26 degrees in Doncaster when I picked her up 1


      1. No, said they’d opened at Easter along with railway. Not quite the same times though. I find it very hard to say how good the beer is since it was served in plastic which ruins it for me.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Plastic glasses and beer don’t go. However good or otherwise a place is it shouldn’t be in a Good Beer Guide if it doesn’t serve any beer at all for six months of the year

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Certainly true on the local listings but off-hand can’t recall a GBG pub in Scotland that didn’t at least attempt to sell cask all year round. You will probably tell me otherwise!


  4. I think the GBG is getting more bizarre each year from what i read on different blogs.
    So called pubs where you can not sit in, crap micro pubs that only open for ten hours a week and clubs where you have to go in with a GBG on top of your head.
    I am glad i do proper pubs.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “Next year a bloke will stand on the boating lake with a cardboard box over his head dispensing York Terrier from a growler; that can then be the smallest pub on the planet,” is possibly the funniest line I’ve heard in a blog for a long time!!! The Signal Box looks different to say the least!
    Yes, only been (verbally) absued at Blundell Park previously so would like to see it in a different light…looks like it would be good fun for both good beer and a lively night out. I’ve got a theory…places like Shrewsbury, Hereford, Ashby etc are too far away from anywhere to travel so they are generally good value of a weekend. I reckon Cleethorpes could be the same…


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