retiredmartin

April 2026. Lincoln.

I’m not adding the Ritz to my extensive “2026 Pubs Visited” spreadsheet,

as I didn’t even have a can of San Pellegrino, so terrified was I of needing a comfort break on the bus to Wragby in half an hour, and having to get off at the North Greetwell stop and never getting home again.

This is what I could have had for £1.95 with my new year’s Spoons vouchers;

Coach House is never a good sign.

But I did eat there, and admired the list of the greats who graced the Art Deco theatre as cinema attendances dwindled.

Yes ! That’s THE Chubby Brown, THE Freddie Starr and hamster, THE Mr Men (not to be confused with 1987 hitmakers Mister Mister.

Nowadays it’s just a Spoons so you don’t get Barbara Dickson, but you can read “The Jealous God” by John Braine while waiting for your small portion of Whitby scampi.

I’m not claiming this as a life hack, but eight Whitby scampi for £5.39 from the “Sides, extras and sauces” menu is the way to go, smothered in French tartare sauce. Who knew the French made anything useful ?

This is a weirdly shaped Spoons, with the drinkers by the front and the diners clustered by the bar.

Plenty of small tables for the drinkers,

stylishly dressed and coiffured. Killing Joke are big round here, though they never played the Ritz.

The drama came late. The chap headed off to the loos, leaving a beer mat on top of his pint and his jacket on the table. Plenty of seats in an unusually quiet JDW.

On his return, an Old Boy had moved the coat, plonked himself down and put his own pint next to the half drunk one. The mild altercation on the return of the first bloke was priceless (actually, £5.39). Had it been two women you’d be reading about it on MumsNet tonight.

Apparently, it was the Old Boy’s favourite seat. Well, that’s OK, then.