A NIGHT IN MONACO. OR IS IT ?

February 2026. Monaco.

Finally leaving Genoa after what readers of this blog will say feels like a month, we take the train to Ventimiglia and then reach a third country in 30 minutes on a colourful French train, daringly taking an earlier departure to Monte Carlo than the time we’d booked for. Does Monaco even have a prison for fare dodgers ? ChatGPT says we’ll be fine, probably.

American readers will be interested to know that Monaco is in the news today as one of it’s most tax efficient residents has declared the UK “colonised by immigrants“, which will hopefully have put an end to Jim’s attempt to leech a billion quid of taxpayers (UK, not Monaco) funds to rebuild Old Trafford.

A week ago I was getting my Monaco pin on the world map,

which leaves just Andorra and Belarus for me, and Belarus is just too exciting for now.

Mrs RM had been here 40 years ago, probably sleeping on a beach and winning her night’s beer fund at the casino, as part of her grand European tour as an 18 year old. I just had those images from the Grand Prix to go on, but I knew it wasn’t going to be cheap.

As the most densely populated country in the world, it ought to be very walkable, unless you direct Mrs RM to the wrong exit out of the vast Monte Carlo station, of course.

Genuinely, one of the swankiest railway stations I’ve ever seen, with the longest exit.

We should have left the station at the little train sign marked top right on the map, with our Aparthotel a mere 200 feet and 3 elevator rides away,

but instead emerged half a mile south at the foreign-sounding “Entrée piétonne gare ferroviaire Monaco Montecarlo” where at least we had a dramatic introduction to the local high rise.

Monaco is not for everyone, but I found it architecturally thrilling,

layer upon layer of tower blocks of different eras leading to the killer views.

Mrs RM’s blog recommends staying at least a night, even in the microstates like Liechtenstein. Not sure how that strategy works in Vatican City, and in Monaco you won’t find anything under a ton on a wet Thursday in February.

From our (upgraded) hotel balcony at Accor’s Aparthotel we could see the border with France (it’s where the road changes colour, honest),

but we were clearly a yard or two the wrong side. Perhaps a VAR review would declare us onside.

Never mind, the hotel fridge dispensed Monte Carlo beer,

the water dispenser gave us sparking water on tap, an afternoon at the Casino waited. Only our meagre budget could stop us now.

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Published by retiredmartin

Retired NHS, doing long walks around UK and the world to record the great bits. Focused on Good Beer Guide pubs and live music.

36 thoughts on “A NIGHT IN MONACO. OR IS IT ?”

  1. Monte Carlo beer appears to be brewed in France. Also available in the UK and brewed here by Molson Coors. It makes it sound like Young’s London Original and London Special brewed in Burton-upon-Trent which is only 120 miles from London.

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    1. LOL! I checked and, nope. It looks like Golf Club (they also have a Tennis Club and Yachting Club beer, along with a limited edition Grand Prix one.

      I’d be leery of having that Golf Club one though, as it seems they no longer make it. Copilot agrees that it says Golf Club, but they can’t find any record of it online.

      Cheers

      Oh and (slow golf clap) for the question Mr. A. 👍

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      2. “I was tempted to guess Stafford Paul but in life it’s best not to be presumptuous.”

        Presumptuous is the presumption that could lead to ruin.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. “and then reach a third country in 30 minutes on a colourful French train”

    That’s how you can tell you’re in Europe. Over here, it will take over a day by train just to get out of the province of Ontario and into the province of Manitoba.

    “Does Monaco even have a prison for fare dodgers ? ChatGPT says we’ll be fine, probably.”

    Especially because they WANT you to come to Monaco, and spend lots of cash in the casinos.

    “Monaco is in the news today as one of it’s most tax efficient residents has declared the UK “colonised by immigrants“,”

    The definition of colonised is ‘to take control of a people or area’, so…. 😉

    “and Belarus is just too exciting for now.”

    Too right! You’ll get enough excitement gambling.

    “Mrs RM had been here 40 years ago, probably sleeping on a beach and winning her night’s beer fund at the casino, as part of her grand European tour as an 18 year old. ”

    I was there during my grand tour 45 years ago, at 23 years old.

    My wife was also there in the mid-90s, when she was the chef on board those small executive jets the Canadian government uses for various ministers and heads of state. She remembers seeing many fancy homes owned by various African heads of states, and started to put two and two together as to why they kept needing aid money.

    “but I knew it wasn’t going to be cheap.”

    Yup. That and Nice, just up the road, were certainly an eye-opener.

    “As the most densely populated country in the world,”

    Blimey. Would not have guessed that!

    “it ought to be very walkable, unless you direct Mrs RM to the wrong exit out of the vast Monte Carlo station, of course.”

    Ouch! Hopefully that was a moving pedway.

    “We should have left the station at the little train sign marked top right on the map, with our Aparthotel a mere 200 feet and 3 elevator rides away,”

    But…

    “but instead emerged half a mile south at the foreign-sounding “Entrée piétonne gare ferroviaire Monaco Montecarlo” where at least we had a dramatic introduction to the local high rise.”

    Oof.
    And that’s definitely not your normal high rise.

    “Monaco is not for everyone, but I found it architecturally thrilling,”

    You would. 😎

    “Mrs RM’s blog recommends staying at least a night, even in the microstates like Liechtenstein.”

    A take it Mrs RM is not a fan of those ‘seven countries in seven days’ coach tours? 😉

    “we could see the border with France (it’s where the road changes colour, honest),”

    Go figure. 😁

    “but we were clearly a yard or two the wrong side.”

    Blimey!

    “Perhaps a VAR review would declare us onside.”

    (slow golf clap)

    “Never mind, the hotel fridge dispensed Monte Carlo beer,”

    (looks down)
    At Monte Carlo prices!

    “Only our meagre budget could stop us now.”

    (slow golf clap)
    And, good luck!

    PS – I wasn’t online at all on the 13th. Not because I’m superstitious, but because I had to take my darling wife to the airport first thing on the 14th as she flew up to Whitehorse for a week. So, we had our Valentine’s a day early. She loved my poem (as always) and I loved her card (I save money by doing the poem instead of the card, and she saves money by reusing the card each year with a new saying, dated, until it’s all filled up). She cooked us a lovely dinner (she’s a chef by trade) and we got slightly inebriated playing backgammon, then sat around having a chat on how lucky we both were that we found each other. 🥰

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      1. Well, the buildings and beaches certainly haven’t changed much (except for that avant garde high rise; and I’m sure the prices have changed!).

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      2. This will sound ridiculous, but the menu prices in Monaco (apart from in Hotel de Paris) didn’t seem that ridiculous, with proper meals in the casino restaurant about 30 euros up. France in general seems a lot dearer than the rest of Europe (excluding Switzerland).

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      3. “This will sound ridiculous, but the menu prices in Monaco (apart from in Hotel de Paris) didn’t seem that ridiculous, with proper meals in the casino restaurant about 30 euros up. France in general seems a lot dearer than the rest of Europe (excluding Switzerland).”

        Well, it’s been 45 years or so, but I (vaguely) remember Monte Carlo (and Nice!) being expensive (and Scandinavia for red meat, and drinks!). Funnily enough, I found France, back then, not too bad. And friendly (which everyone had warned me against). Thanks to Fodor, I found a ‘working man’s’ restaurant in Paris that was packed (with blue collar folk, of course) and when me and the two people tried to order, in English or very bad French, the waitress walked away. We thought ‘how rude’! But, she returned with a number of lunch dishes already prepared. We pointed, she wrote down the price, and we ordered. Quelle surprise!

        I also had what was one of my most memorable dinners at a small, family-run restaurant, near Mont Saint Michel. Literally family-run as the dad cooked, the daughter was the waitress, the son did the washing up and the mom was the greeter. I had a crepe that was to die for. I actually went to them after the meal and tried to thank them, profusely, in what little high school French I had learned. I still remember that meal today!

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      1. All I will say is; I take it you’ve never been to Canada. 😉

        But:
        – Apparently Winnie the Pooh was named after a bear called Winnie, who was brought to Winnipeg (the capital) during WWI
        – Manitoba is home to the largest population of polar bears in the world, most notably Churchill, Manitoba (waaaaay up north). Local residents have to be wary of them in the fall, as they scavenge any garbage around town (Churchill is also one of the top 3 places in the world to see the Northern Lights)
        – Winnipeg, the capital, is known for bone chilling winds in the winter, flooding from the Red River in the spring, which leads to horrid numbers of mosquitoes in the summer

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      5. “Then you need an emoji for “I recognise your mild sarcasm but I was just playing along”.”

        Pfft. Says the man who uses no emojis to explain his own musings. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      6. “I have never had a birthday card, Valentine card or Christmas card. Every be day is to be celebrated equally.”

        I can get behind that; but…

        I write a poem for my darling wife every year (saves on cards!) for:
        – Christmas
        – birthday
        – anniversary and;
        – Valentine’s

        I look upon it as a way to look back on the past year and express my gratitude and joy of our lives together. This includes the little things we take for granted, as well as the little things I find adorable, as well as the contentment I have in just being with her, and our family (when time permits).

        Every day is a joy, yes. But complacency can creep up unexpectedly. I will admit that in the last few years, I try to make the poems topical as to what is going on in our lives, and how I love just who we are, together, no matter what has happened. 😎

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