November 2025. Calke. Derbyshire.
A late dash to tick a few National Trust properties before the subs are due (we won’t renew).
Blimey, talk about a well-pubbed location. Calke sits between Coalville, Burton, Derby and Beeston in the posh bit of Derbyshire. Real Life After Football territory.
Actually, forget pubs, what an astonishing little bit of undiscovered England this bit of South Derbyshire is. The National Forest, quarry statues, aqueducts, the Art Deco garage at Woodville…..
And Calke Abbey, in an area once home to mines and lime quarries and tramways and potteries, is one of the great country estates. The sprawling park is worth a trip alone,
but it’s the way the house has been left in a permanent state of decay that’s remarkable.
Typically we whizz round these stately homes in 12 minutes, skilfully avoiding the attention of volunteers hurling dates and family trees at us,
but Calke occupied me for 18,
with its taxidermy and ancient cartoons.
I’d hoped we could walk the 42 minutes to the new GBG pub on the edge of the estate, but the gates were locked around St Giles.
Tollgate’s brewery tap is a destination pub,
filling up within 20 minutes of noon opening with pizza trade and gentlefolk, none of whom can be locals as the Milking Parlour is seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
Yes, that’s where the cows used to be.
Service is really friendly (inevitable, given it’s a young person), there’s a good crowd of regulars, and the Tollgate Pale is a crisp 3.5.
But a rather more traditional pub experience awaits us just up the road.
retiredmartin 
Enjoyed a pizza as well as the ale when I went there earlier this year
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Pizza looked good. We were actually after a Ploughman’s, or at least a cob, in the Chequers.
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I was actually in that Milking Shed last year, not that I had a pint as nine pubs is too ambitious an itinerary at my age.
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Even for you!
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Yes, and especially with all the travelling – Atherstone ( two pubs ) to Barwell to Ibstock to to Calke to Ticknall to Burton to Stafford ( two pubs ), thankfully not on my bus pass !
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Just popped in to milk a cow ? ;-0
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“November 2025. Calke. Derbyshire.”
(looks up)
Is that Downton Abbey? 😊
“Calke sits between Coalville, Burton, Derby and Beeston in the posh bit of Derbyshire.”
As opposed to Solihull?
(oh, and Si would probably complain it’s too close to L*****er – wait!; he means L***s, right?)
“Real Life After Football territory.”
You know it’s posh when…
“the Art Deco garage at Woodville”
As opposed to Art Garfunkel?
“And Calke Abbey, in an area once home to mines and lime quarries and tramways and potteries,”
Blimey! No wonder they need a caulking place nearby.
“but it’s the way the house has been left in a permanent state of decay that’s remarkable.”
That explains me when I do out shopping sometimes. Although, I will NEVER stoop to wearing track pants!
“skilfully avoiding the attention of volunteers hurling dates and family trees at us,”
(slow golf clap)
Oh, and the staff could have saved a lot of trouble by just chucking the whole date palm tree instead of splitting it up.
(and ‘skilfully’ really needs another ‘l’)
“with its taxidermy and ancient cartoons.”
Personally I’d stuff the taxidermy but the cartoons seem like they’d be fun.
“but the gates were locked around St Giles.”
How weird. But then, countries borders aren’t what they used to be either. 😏
“none of whom can be locals as the Milking Parlour is seemingly in the middle of nowhere.”
Oooh. The coppers could have a field day waiting for folk to ‘drive’ away from there.**
** – unless they were as fit as LAF (or you) and walked there. 😁
“Yes, that’s where the cows used to be.”
Good thing they moved them. They’d have a helluva time in there now.
“Service is really friendly (inevitable, given it’s a young person),”
Have you seen some of today’s youth? When we go for our walks the only ones who don’t nod their head and say ‘hi’ are those under 20.
“But a rather more traditional pub experience awaits us just up the road.”
Good things come to those who wait?
Cheers
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I’ve been some years ago but cannot remember anything … not even the taxidermy which freaks me out.
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