BERTIE BASSETT AND THE HARNESSING OF THE GIANT SQUIDS

September 2025. Sheffield.

Another of those pubs on the Sheffield Half Pint Marathon; do all 26 in September and you’ve donated £6.50 to Mind and won a print. Easier than doing the GBG, I thought.

It’s a collection of pubs largely on the periphery of the Beer Guide, like the Riverside (No. 7, Russ), down by the, er, riverside that divides Kelham.

Apart from those fine Wards windows it’s also the canvas for Phlegm’s masterful “Harnessing of the Giant Squids” (top), though it’s that illuminated display of Paul Heaton’s lyric from “Let Love Speak Up Itself” that you notice entering the city.

The Riverside is almost a flagship for True North, revivers of Stones (why) and providers of decent pub grub,

but it’s not actually very pubby till you reach the patio with its views to Sheffield’s housing boom.

Think of it as a Brunning & Price for indie kids and you’re close, adverts for bile beans replaced with knitting patterns for Bertie Bassett,

which is a line I never thought I’d write, if I thought about it (I didn’t).

I took a half of a drab P.E.D. for the sticker, but you’d probably come for the keg,

with that Brew York wheat beer the star.

Sheffield needs a Brew York. Hey, isn’t that Brew Dog bar empty ?

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Published by retiredmartin

Retired NHS, doing long walks around UK and the world to record the great bits. Focused on Good Beer Guide pubs and live music.

2 thoughts on “BERTIE BASSETT AND THE HARNESSING OF THE GIANT SQUIDS”

  2. “Easier than doing the GBG, I thought.”

    I sense a ‘but’ coming. 🙂

    “like the Riverside (No. 7, Russ)”

    Got it! That’s explains the harnessing of the giant squids in the title.

    “down by the, er, riverside that divides Kelham”

    Well, Kelham IS an island. Otherwise it would be called a promontory or spit or some such.

    “”it’s also the canvas for Phlegm’s masterful “Harnessing of the Giant Squids” (top)”

    Hah! Got that from the map (and your #7 hint).

    Although, when you wrote (top) I of course went to the very top photo, and wondered how that related to some giant licorice man playing the role of the pied piper of Hamelin (and I did that bit from memory). 😎

    “though it’s that illuminated display of Paul Heaton’s lyric from “Let Love Speak Up Itself” that you notice entering the city.”

    Love can also poke up for itself. And, to distract from that sentence, when I squinted I could see Phlegm’s classic on the wall below the illuminated display.

    “The Riverside is almost a flagship for True North”

    I’m guessing you say ‘almost’ because it DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHAT BLOODY P.E.D. MEANS.” (caps off)

    “till you reach the patio with its views to Sheffield’s housing boom.”

    These ‘housing booms’ are everywhere! (even over here)

    “adverts for bile beans”

    I thought you meant vile beans; but then I did and quick check and… blimey! Although, to be fair, they could still be called vile beans.

    “with knitting patterns for Bertie Bassett,”

    (looks down)
    Ah, the licorice man (not imitating the pied piper this time)

    “I took a half of a drab P.E.D. for the sticker, but you’d probably come for the keg,”

    You’re just trying to wind me up by using P.E.D., right? 😉

    “Sheffield needs a Brew York.”

    But then it would be Brew Sheffield. 🙂

    Cheers

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