DOING THE LAMBETH WALK. IN CROWBOROUGH

January 2025. Crowborough.

No sooner had I completed the paperwork with the funeral directors and Coroner (Fun rating : 0.25/5) then it was time for another emergency mission to a beleaguered Father-in-Law down in Kent.

At least the Dartford Tunnel was behaving.

Mrs RM negotiated a post-tea arrival with her Mum, and offered to drive me the 20 minutes from Tunbridge Wells to Crowborough for an actual, brand new, GBG tick.

I’d been wanting to visit Crowborough, home to fellow fairy believer Arthur Conan Doyle,

as I had no recollection of the town from a flying tick at the famed Jolly Coopers years ago, and a man should have some thoughts, even if unprintable, on a town of nearly 22,000 souls.

Kentish Paul rather rates the Coopers, but with micro themed opening hours,

it’ll have to be a return trip.

No such problems with the GBG debutant, which is never shut.

It’s not quite a stunner, but there’s a warren of drinking spaces and a row of booths,

and a fireplace where the Old Boys congregate with their handled jugs of Abbot.

What gets a Spoons in the GBG in East Sussex.

Well, pints of By the Horns Porter for £1.49 with that voucher that says “We value real ale so much we demand a discount on it, we do” must help.

It’s a gorgeous pint, rich and chewy (NBSS 4). I don’t see a lot of trade from the tradesmen but a lady has a pint of it (yes, a lady with a pint !!!) so I expect cask ticks over.

Real ale quality seems on the up in Spoons. Certainly, new Guide entries from Rainham to Middleton have more than deserved their place, and while Mrs RM enjoys her Ramen bowl I’ll still campaign for the Katsu.

But I’m sure they’ll be someone on CAMRA Discourse raging against Spoons any minute now…

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Published by retiredmartin

Retired NHS, doing long walks around UK and the world to record the great bits. Focused on Good Beer Guide pubs and live music.

29 thoughts on “DOING THE LAMBETH WALK. IN CROWBOROUGH”

      4. Martin,
        Except when South Cheshire Branch visited Stafford six months ago and a new member of staff served me in the Picture House, first my pint of Abbot, then Crewe Martin arrived and I clearly ordered the HALF he wanted but was given and charged for a PINT. The Duty Manageress then insisted that the transaction had gone through the till and I was only having change for a PINT from my fiver. Wrong, and the third problem I’ve had in just over five years, hence me only using Tim’s venues for a distress purchase.

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      6. “Distress purchase” is a handy euphemism which I shall remember next time I’m in need of a recycling venue, my only uses for a Spoons these days.

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      3. Before Tim got his hands on it, the Crowborough Cross was a town centre pub, owned by Bass Charrington, and then whoever their successors in the pub, real estate game were (possibly M&B?)

        So unlike most JDW outlets, it was a pub to begin with, and didn’t change its name.

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  2. “We value real ale so much we demand a discount on it, we do”

    It’s exactly that slogan that makes me throw my Camra discount vouchers in the recycling bin as soon as they arrive eaach year.

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      1. Imagine my surprise this lunchtime when as my glass was being filled with Pedigree I was asked if I was a member. On indicating affirmatively I was asked for my card which I struggled to retrieve from the depths of my wallet. She wanted to see it properly to check the expiry date and then said she hadn’t seen a gold one before. I explained that it’s for life membership, and it expires when I expire. She asked how I got life membership and I told her by paying £70 about forty years ago. She then wanted to know when I joined so I answered 1973. I didn’t add that I first drank in Lichfield in 1972 as the pub was getting rather busy for 11.40am. The Pedigree was drinking very well, better in fact than the Bathams in my next pub.

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      2. You’ve described your transaction in great detail, Paul. But you’ve not told us the name of the pub or how much of a discount your 40-year-old Gold membership card entitled you to claim.

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      3. SH,
        It was the Queens Head where my Pedigree was discounted by 10% from £4.60 to £4.14. One of the other two beers on was the discontinued Marstons 61 Deep, originally Pedigree New World and too citrussy for me.
        I started in the Beacon, opened as such by Titanic last year, days after my last visit to Lichfield. Not wanting to waste the morning I was there for 11am opening time and the barmaid took five minutes filling my glass explaining that “beer gets lively overnight, air gets trapped in the lines”. I don’t know anywhere with a greater concentration of pubs than that stretch of Tamworth Street – Quill & Scholar 12-14, Acorn 16-18, Beacon 20, Beerbhom 19, Whippet 21 – three pubs opposite two newer pubs.
        My third pub was the Horse and Jockey where the Bathams Best Bitter didn’t taste right as it didn’t on my three visits last year and I can’t work out why. It’ll be Holdens Golden Glow or Bass next time.
        My last pub was the Earl of Lichfield where I first drank Pedigree in December 1972. Fifty-two years later it was was still drinking well.
        I caught the 1.30pm bus home. Seriously deteriorating weather made me decide against stopping off in Rugeley for the Red Lion and possibly the Crown.

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      4. Thanks, Paul.

        I’m surprised you didn’t call in at the Duke of York, as I know how keen you are on Joules, especially if they’ve ripped the heart out of a building.

        I’ve not been to Lichfield for well over 10 years. I must rectify that some time soon. I could call in at that Tamworth Tap on the way back to Sheffield.

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      6. Will,
        Yes I do like the new Joules beer, though because of their pubs it only accounted for a half of one per cent of my consumption last year ( which must mean that I drank close to a multiple of 200 pints over the twelve months ).

        Martin,
        I thought the new The Bod was at Streethay rather than Lichfield. The address “Unit 2”, coincidently the same as Stone’s Borehole, suggests out of the City but it’ll be convenient for you from the Trent Valley railway station. Surely the Beacon has a chance for the 2026 GBG, unless the assessors have Sedgley in mind when deciding. I’m just a two minute walk from the bus stop for Lichfield so can get there very easily, likewise Uttoxeter – Lichfield’s good for Pedigree, Uttoxeter for Bass.

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      8. Martin,
        Streethay used to be a hamlet of the Anchor, the Old Burton Road and three cul-de-sacs, all near the A5127 and the old railway line for Burton.
        The new development, which from the West Coast Main Line looks like a new estate, is on open countryside to the west of the original settlement and probably covers about 300 acres.

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      9. The Beacon has to be in the guide next year. It’s superb.
        BRAPA was in Lichfield at the weekend and I tipped him off about it, and there’s a space now Bitter Suite has closes.

        Quill and Scholar definitely won’t be in it.

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