retiredmartin

For Mrs RM the best thing about the lockdown, apart from having my undivided attention, of course, is that she doesn’t have to go to Maidenhead for a team meeting every last Friday of the month.

Simon has been avoiding it, and Dick and Dave always find an excuse involving visa restrictions when I suggest they see it for themselves on their trips, which start and finish a mere half hour away.

It’s a dump.

Don’t take my word for it, read Mrs RM‘s blog.

“Remembering the reason I came to Maidenhead, I ran through my demo for the following day. It centred around the role IT would play in the life of Roland the rat catcher and Cyril the cesspit emptier. It seemed somehow fitting….”

Even local MP Mr Buckethead gave up after a year and moved to Uxbridge, the second dullest place in the UK (oddly, Witney is 3rd).

Just as tellingly the Thames avoids it, seemingly clinging to the western edges of Slough for refuge.

The building works in the centre have been going on longer than the A14, and to what end?

The “challenging” underpass is actually so bad it’s nearly good.

And yet this is one of the most expensive places to live in the country. It doesn’t even have a Sam Smith’s!

The Travelodge is famously scuzzy, the whole centre a red light district, and its most famous pub is the Cons Club.

Yeah, yeah, the Honeypot with its diacetyl DIPAs.

And the Maiden’s Head wasn’t that bad in a Stonegate town pub way.

But the Spoons. Leave it to BeerMat, he’s a man of the world.

In fact, I’d recommend you walk the 3 miles to Pinkney’s Green for Stella with plasterers at the Boundary Arms.

Or jump on the train to Reading. You’ll be safe there. Even Oscar Wilde was safe there.