For Mrs RM the best thing about the lockdown, apart from having my undivided attention, of course, is that she doesn’t have to go to Maidenhead for a team meeting every last Friday of the month.


Simon has been avoiding it, and Dick and Dave always find an excuse involving visa restrictions when I suggest they see it for themselves on their trips, which start and finish a mere half hour away.

It’s a dump.

Don’t take my word for it, read Mrs RM‘s blog.

“Remembering the reason I came to Maidenhead, I ran through my demo for the following day. It centred around the role IT would play in the life of Roland the rat catcher and Cyril the cesspit emptier. It seemed somehow fitting….”

Even local MP Mr Buckethead gave up after a year and moved to Uxbridge, the second dullest place in the UK (oddly, Witney is 3rd).

See the source image
Buckethead mania, 2015

Just as tellingly the Thames avoids it, seemingly clinging to the western edges of Slough for refuge.

Rare nice bit
Craft beer barrier

The building works in the centre have been going on longer than the A14, and to what end?

Viewing platform
Under canvas, under wraps

The “challenging” underpass is actually so bad it’s nearly good.

Lacks Newport’s art though

And yet this is one of the most expensive places to live in the country. It doesn’t even have a Sam Smith’s!

The Travelodge is famously scuzzy, the whole centre a red light district, and its most famous pub is the Cons Club.

Pint of Rebellion IPA scored minus 5

Yeah, yeah, the Honeypot with its diacetyl DIPAs.

Not tried. Honest

And the Maiden’s Head wasn’t that bad in a Stonegate town pub way.


Not bad

But the Spoons. Leave it to BeerMat, he’s a man of the world.


In fact, I’d recommend you walk the 3 miles to Pinkney’s Green for Stella with plasterers at the Boundary Arms.


Or jump on the train to Reading. You’ll be safe there. Even Oscar Wilde was safe there.


  1. Martin,
    The enthusiastic way you tell us about Maidenhead reminds me of your comments about the Rifle Drum before our Proper Day Out in Northampton.


  2. Oh good, I can make that Crystal Gayle reference again.

    “Don’t you make my brown eyes blue”?


    “Don’t you make my Pink Knees Green”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I must admit that your negative description of the place entices me to suggest we quickly visit just to see it. Then I wake up and figure we really do not want to waste time there.

    Liked by 1 person

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