I’d been bracing myself for Kent‘s fresh onslaught of micro madness in the new GBG, bringing with it high tables, horrific opening hours and pickled eggs. (And those are the fun bits).
But I had been looking forward to re-exploring West Malling, a posh village on the edge of Maidstone noted for the fine statue of “Pashmina Pauline“, a regular reader of this blog.
Small Kentish towns are an underrated species, often overlooked in favour of Sussex with its Rye and Lewes and Crawley.
West Malling has a regal looking Town Hill dominated by Nevills (not Neville Neville, thankfully).
I do like to judge a town by its blue plaques. I struggled here.
Note that they don’t even have an exact date of birth for CK Dain. This lack of precision extends to the census, with the population listed as “about 2,500 to 5,000“, a cheery margin of error. I like to think the population can double or halve each year due to the influx of GBG tickers.
Almost every building on the High Street is a restaurant of some sort, offering either lobster for two or low fat curry.
And almost every car that passes me is a BMW, so I find respite in King Street Motors.
You never know what dispense to expect in micros these days, but this open-air hipster keg font was taking things to extremes.
The Malling Jug had a sign pointing down an alley to match the tiny ones in Stockton.
Down some STEEP steps to a smart cellar bar which impressively matches bench seating with high tables, which I immediately bump into.
In Thanet you get slightly scruffy places with beers (£3) written on a board in chalk. I’m surprised the Jug has beers for £3, but I trade up to the Goachers as I like to flash the cash.
Actually, my notes record a conversation with the uniformed staff along the lines of;
“Sorry there’s only one beer on”
“Oh, one’s plenty. At least you’re open“
Who knows ?
Obviously, I’m the only customer, so I’m able to capture the tat for you.
The staff are busy logging in the beers (craft keg) so I don’t have to have the usual micro pub discussions, but on the other hand I’m a bit bored.
The Goachers is pretty much what you expect, a solid 3 but “shoulda gone to the Rifle Volunteers” as someone will say.
No doubt Simon will arrive on a Saturday at 4pm to find a riot in progress; I stumbled up the steps into the drizzle to find an old boy pressing for directions to the gun shop.
retiredmartin 
Town Hill typo.
And first comment.
A double whammy for Russ.
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Ha Ha. You fell into my trap. It IS called Town Hill, not Town Hall. I was hoping to catch Russ, to be fair.
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Top internetting young Martin.
I consider myself pwned.
Being first is scant consolation.
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Beating Russ is its own reward. (Russ would have looked on Google Street View, of course) 😉
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The early bird catches the Canuck.
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Keep in mind many Canucks are starting to hibernate. 🙂
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That Courage Alton mirror definitely isn’t a reproduction but why’s it consigned to the gents where it will be ruined by the humidity ?
Those T Phillips signs look a bit dodgy though. They don’t look as if they were made in the 1930s.
I used the Rising Sun at East Malling, a free house, a couple of times about 25 years ago.
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Those T. Phillips signs definitely look too modern to be genuine.
The former brewery buildings still stand, having been converted into posh apartments.
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PT is the Pete Tong measure…an indicator of how many hours past its best for each beer. I’m sure you’ll find a magical ‘it’s all gone very PT’ score of 180 soon enough.
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I knew the Peter Tonge, with an ‘e’, a Fleet Street journalist who had grown up in Kent and went to school with Mick Jagger.
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So did you pass by the Bull then, Martin? Fine pub, as I recall, but it’s a year or two since I was last in West Malling.
Ah, Uganda…funny that, eh?
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Visited the Bull years ago, looked as good as ever; a real GBG regular.
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That would be it, then.
I’m glad to see that Frank’s restaurant and mussel bar is still going. The mussels were indeed worth singling out in the name, and the steak that I had there was hard to beat.
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I’ve never understood why in ‘the olden days’ (when I was middle-aged), people were obliged to live half-way up a wall?
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According to my records the Phillip’s Oatmeal Stout has a P.T. of 23, whereas the IPA has a P.T. of 12. (I made this up, as I haven’t got a clue what it means).
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Thanks Wes, I could do with more people making stuff up. Does P.T. vary by blogger, d’ya think ?
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That narrow-alleyway entrance must be fairly unusual among the various pubs you’ve visited. I’m rather partial to such pathways, though it doesn’t leave much room for mobility scooters does it? 😉
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Good point. The steps would be another major barrier, It’s not as narrow, but the alley down which you find the Prince of Wales in Ledbury is the tops.
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“noted for the fine statue of “Pashmina Pauline“, a regular reader of this blog.”
I thought she looked familiar. 🙂
“Small Kentish towns are an underrated species”
And very hard to read on OS maps. About all I can make out (apart from the Mallings) is a place called… Barmy?
(folks must be mad to live there)
“Wow,Treasurer of Uganda”
Apparently he ‘treasured’ Lady Agnew as well.
“I like to think the population can double or halve each year due to the influx of GBG tickers.”
If you liken it to a kind of tourism you could very well be right. 😉
“Number plate removed prior to my photo”
Ah. It’s one of those ‘doors, wheels, engine etc. are extra’. 🙂
“Probably not a Cloudwater approved outlet”
That looks remarkably like the Strongbow Dark Fruits dispenser from an earlier post. 😉
“I have no idea what P.T. stands for”
I’m guessing a reference to the colour?
“but “shoulda gone to the Rifle Volunteers” as someone will say.”
Ah yes, the armchair ticker. 🙂
“pressing for directions to the gun shop.”
You still have those over there?
Cheers
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I laughed three times at that, Russ. Good result. Yes, we have gun shops; just in case we get invaded by Martians soon.
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“I laughed three times at that, Russ. ”
It was the beer colour guess, wasn’t it? 😉
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