You left us in Rutherfords, contemplating whether to start a game of skittles and just work through the beers/gins.

Particularly cosy micro pub

But drinking on an empty stomach remains a daft notion, even in Scotland, and we set off over the cobbles for Cobbles.


Or “Cobbles Freehouse & Dining“, just to emphasise that we were going to get fed.

Real cobbles
Very yellow

Of course, we weren’t.  Last orders 8.30 translated as “the chef finished at 7.00“, which was a bit disappointing but there’s no point keeping a kitchen open for no customers, is there ?

So we stopped for a chat with the only drinker.  He was very drunk, so I won’t identify him, but his tales of being detained by the Barcelona constabulary for knocking a human statue off their plinth temporarily made us forget our hunger.

It’s a modern looking pub, except for the fire.


The glasses of gin were even bigger here, and I couldn’t persuade Mrs RM on to the exciting (for the Borders) Evil Craft.

Big gin

So I had an excellent pint of the local Tempest Armadillo (NBSS 3.5) all to myself, while Mrs RM compared notes with our PD* on the merits of Newtown St Boswells (“Bad luck“) and that National Inventory pub in Boroughbridge.

Your Tempest Tap

But what of the lacings ?” you cry.


We left with a curry house recommendation and good cheer, and headed for Kelso Tandoori.  Which turned out to be a takeaway.  Somehow Ednam House seemed a little too posh to soil with a Dhansak and mushroom rice.

We legged it back to the Cross Keys, which had also decided to call it quits early.  Is February in Scotland the new Moscow 1984 ?

So we had to go to the “proper” restaurant. I swore I would never go to a place called “The Contented Vine” where people wear ties and you’re shown to your seat.  We were seated next to a table of ladies who I can only assume were teachers.  Who else would be out that late on a Sunday night ?

Mrs RM was on expenses so had the largest gin of the night, while my more modest allowances restricted me to a bottle of Arran Blonde. Slightly fizzy, but otherwise unchanged in all respects since our trip to the brewery at the turn of the century.

Same bottle design as 2000

You may have thought I never drink bottles.  You’d be wrong.

Now I’m a sucker for anything labelled as “famous“.  So I had the “Famous” Carbonara and the “Famous” Surprise Trio.  Deservedly famous in east Kelso, I’d say.

“Famous” Surprise Trio

This is the point at which Mrs RM discovered that her spoon wouldn’t reach the bottom of that chocolate moose**.  As with the Coldstream incident, no police were summoned.

Unexpectedly good food, and an incredibly expected soundtrack;

  • You can’t hurry love”
  • “Video killed the radio star”
  • “Don’t you want me ?”
  • “Tainted love

And no night that ends with Tiffany is a bad night.


Sadly, we ended it, not in the 1905, but  opposite our hotel in the Queen’s Head.

Morning shot, obviously

The bar is immaculate, the tall fonts are tall, the lone hand pump carefully hidden,

Tall fonts

and Tim’s Landlord well past its best, if it ever made it that far.

I didn’t take it back.  Instead, I hid it in the corner and went back for a half of Tennents. Which is what I should have had to start with, like the rugby folk do.


Oval balls


Nice signage on the Gents (I hope it was the Gents).

Typical Kelsonian

After that I think we may have gone back to the wrong room before realising it was a bit drafty.

Not a hotel

Just as well there was a decent breakfast in the morning.

Haddock, poached egg, black pudding


*Professional Drinker

** You thought that was about Tim Martin not putting a branch here, didn’t you ?


22 thoughts on “YOU CAN’T HURRY KELSO

  1. “As with the Coldstream incident, no police were summoned.” –This one had me laughing so much I was forced to show my wife the photo and explain what it was I found so funny.

    (But after the laughter has subsided I do find myself thinking, “They really should make sure the spoon reaches to the bottom of the dessert glass though, surely…)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “You’d be wrong.”

    I thought that was only at home, but then realised that was wrong as well. 😉

    “and an incredibly expected soundtrack;”

    Yup, incredible, if expected. 🙂

    “Morning shot, obviusly”

    Well, apart from the ‘obvious’ spelling error (heh), I was thinking “he’s that far north so why not?”, but then realised it was only Feb and late night daylight wouldn’t occur till the summer. 😉

    “** You thought that was about Tim Martin not putting a branch here, didn’t you ?”

    Perish the thought! (LOL)


    PS – notice I made no mention of the oval balls. (wink)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Bloody hell, I AM off the pace. 😊

        I’m afraid I’ll probably be like that for a few days. Some medical issues with both my mother and my wife are interfering with my usual, um, peculiar thought processes. 🤔😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “Sorry to hear that, Russ. Best wishes for speedy recoveries.”

        Thx Martin. I shall try not to let it conflict too much with my ‘style’ of posting. 😎

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “and headed for Kelso Tandoori. Which turned out to be a takeaway.”

    This happens to us all the time on our boat trips…pub not doing/finished doing food…so we ask if there’s anywhere nearby to eat. If they say there’s a Chinese place it is almost always (99%) a takeaway and if they say Indian, then there’s a 75% chance it’s a takeaway. After being caught out a few times we now ask if it is a restaurant or takeaway and regularly get the response, “Oh yeah…it is a takeaway!” and they often follow up with, “Aah, you want the Xxxxx Tandoori, that’s really good!”…and usually turns out to be in the next village/town!

    The joys of eating out in rural Britain!

    Liked by 1 person

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