YOU CAN’T HURRY KELSO

sdr

You left us in Rutherfords, contemplating whether to start a game of skittles and just work through the beers/gins.

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Particularly cosy micro pub

But drinking on an empty stomach remains a daft notion, even in Scotland, and we set off over the cobbles for Cobbles.

Cobbles

Or “Cobbles Freehouse & Dining“, just to emphasise that we were going to get fed.

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Real cobbles
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Very yellow

Of course, we weren’t.  Last orders 8.30 translated as “the chef finished at 7.00“, which was a bit disappointing but there’s no point keeping a kitchen open for no customers, is there ?

So we stopped for a chat with the only drinker.  He was very drunk, so I won’t identify him, but his tales of being detained by the Barcelona constabulary for knocking a human statue off their plinth temporarily made us forget our hunger.

It’s a modern looking pub, except for the fire.

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The glasses of gin were even bigger here, and I couldn’t persuade Mrs RM on to the exciting (for the Borders) Evil Craft.

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Big gin

So I had an excellent pint of the local Tempest Armadillo (NBSS 3.5) all to myself, while Mrs RM compared notes with our PD* on the merits of Newtown St Boswells (“Bad luck“) and that National Inventory pub in Boroughbridge.

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Your Tempest Tap

But what of the lacings ?” you cry.

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We left with a curry house recommendation and good cheer, and headed for Kelso Tandoori.  Which turned out to be a takeaway.  Somehow Ednam House seemed a little too posh to soil with a Dhansak and mushroom rice.

We legged it back to the Cross Keys, which had also decided to call it quits early.  Is February in Scotland the new Moscow 1984 ?

So we had to go to the “proper” restaurant. I swore I would never go to a place called “The Contented Vine” where people wear ties and you’re shown to your seat.  We were seated next to a table of ladies who I can only assume were teachers.  Who else would be out that late on a Sunday night ?

Mrs RM was on expenses so had the largest gin of the night, while my more modest allowances restricted me to a bottle of Arran Blonde. Slightly fizzy, but otherwise unchanged in all respects since our trip to the brewery at the turn of the century.

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Same bottle design as 2000

You may have thought I never drink bottles.  You’d be wrong.

Now I’m a sucker for anything labelled as “famous“.  So I had the “Famous” Carbonara and the “Famous” Surprise Trio.  Deservedly famous in east Kelso, I’d say.

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“Famous” Surprise Trio

This is the point at which Mrs RM discovered that her spoon wouldn’t reach the bottom of that chocolate moose**.  As with the Coldstream incident, no police were summoned.

Unexpectedly good food, and an incredibly expected soundtrack;

  • You can’t hurry love”
  • “Video killed the radio star”
  • “Don’t you want me ?”
  • “Tainted love

And no night that ends with Tiffany is a bad night.

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Sadly, we ended it, not in the 1905, but  opposite our hotel in the Queen’s Head.

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Morning shot, obviously

The bar is immaculate, the tall fonts are tall, the lone hand pump carefully hidden,

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Tall fonts

and Tim’s Landlord well past its best, if it ever made it that far.

I didn’t take it back.  Instead, I hid it in the corner and went back for a half of Tennents. Which is what I should have had to start with, like the rugby folk do.

 

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Oval balls

 

Nice signage on the Gents (I hope it was the Gents).

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Typical Kelsonian

After that I think we may have gone back to the wrong room before realising it was a bit drafty.

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Not a hotel

Just as well there was a decent breakfast in the morning.

dav
Haddock, poached egg, black pudding

 

*Professional Drinker

** You thought that was about Tim Martin not putting a branch here, didn’t you ?

 

22 thoughts on “YOU CAN’T HURRY KELSO

  1. “As with the Coldstream incident, no police were summoned.” –This one had me laughing so much I was forced to show my wife the photo and explain what it was I found so funny.

    (But after the laughter has subsided I do find myself thinking, “They really should make sure the spoon reaches to the bottom of the dessert glass though, surely…)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “You’d be wrong.”

    I thought that was only at home, but then realised that was wrong as well. 😉

    “and an incredibly expected soundtrack;”

    Yup, incredible, if expected. 🙂

    “Morning shot, obviusly”

    Well, apart from the ‘obvious’ spelling error (heh), I was thinking “he’s that far north so why not?”, but then realised it was only Feb and late night daylight wouldn’t occur till the summer. 😉

    “** You thought that was about Tim Martin not putting a branch here, didn’t you ?”

    Perish the thought! (LOL)

    Cheers

    PS – notice I made no mention of the oval balls. (wink)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Bloody hell, I AM off the pace. 😊

        I’m afraid I’ll probably be like that for a few days. Some medical issues with both my mother and my wife are interfering with my usual, um, peculiar thought processes. 🤔😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “Sorry to hear that, Russ. Best wishes for speedy recoveries.”

        Thx Martin. I shall try not to let it conflict too much with my ‘style’ of posting. 😎

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “and headed for Kelso Tandoori. Which turned out to be a takeaway.”

    This happens to us all the time on our boat trips…pub not doing/finished doing food…so we ask if there’s anywhere nearby to eat. If they say there’s a Chinese place it is almost always (99%) a takeaway and if they say Indian, then there’s a 75% chance it’s a takeaway. After being caught out a few times we now ask if it is a restaurant or takeaway and regularly get the response, “Oh yeah…it is a takeaway!” and they often follow up with, “Aah, you want the Xxxxx Tandoori, that’s really good!”…and usually turns out to be in the next village/town!

    The joys of eating out in rural Britain!

    Liked by 1 person

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