WHEN A CARLSBERG WILL HAVE TO DO

November 2025. Ely.

A late lunch in Ely before the cheapest rail fare back to Sheffield (Again. And repeat).

It’s a good job the trains are always late; Delay Repay is my main source of income these days.

Ely is bustling on Saturday afternoon, but visitors aren’t here for the quaint streets and the Cromwell and the Zion chapels.

Oh no, they’re here for the Christmas Markets, grandparents and children in tow. All this doom and gloom commentary about the High Street being dead seemed very daft.

And the pubs ! I couldn’t get in anywhere for lunch, from the foody Cutter by the river to the more basic Minster by the, er, Minster.

But it was cold. Bitingly cold. I needed to be indoors for 2 hours, and the only spare room in the house was in the lovingly unreconstructed sports bar.

Now, I’d have guessed this was my first step inside the Townhouse in at least a decade,

but seeing the pool/billiard room I recalled bringing Simon here as recently as Christmas 2018,

though even then I described it as a “surprise” re-entry, taking the place of that Draymans micro for a year.

7 years ago it at least had the excitement of Grain and Wolf, but today even the Greene King clips are turned. Sorry, Genevieve.

I go for Guinness, but the glasses are in the dishwasher, and you can’t split the G in a San Miguel glass.

The Townhouse has a veritable exhibition of lager. Stella, Stella Unfiltered, Carling, San Miguel…

Hey, what’s this Danish craft beer ?

I get a collectors card, too, one should always take a proffered collectors card.

If I drink 10 more I get a free one. Some of the other customers are clearly thinking the promotion expires tonight.

Now, I may have been swayed by the respite from the chill, but this was as warm and friendly as you could hope.

Mainly lone males (US – “solo dates”), but some young women as well after change for the tables. Will the pool table be the last thing to demand coins ?

My Carlsberg, possibly a first since the Copenhagen brewery tour in 1996, is better than expected, and a soundtrack of early 80s pop runs from The Bluebells to Go West before veering violently to EDM.

I stay an hour, watch the barmaid expertly scrape the foam off a pint of Stella,

and then suddenly realise it’s 3pm and I haven’t eaten all day.

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Published by retiredmartin

Retired NHS, doing long walks around UK and the world to record the great bits. Focused on Good Beer Guide pubs and live music.

15 thoughts on “WHEN A CARLSBERG WILL HAVE TO DO”

      1. I was thinking of that cheeky young chap from the Mid West’s song to the tune of High Heeled Sneakers, but yes.

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  3. “But it was cold. Bitingly cold” suggests that you’re not as young as you were. Maybe roll your shirt sleeves down and take a jacket next time you’re across that way.
    “you can’t split the G in a San Miguel glass”. I don’t understand why not as it’s got a “g”. As has Carlsberg. And Donnington. But not Samuel Smiths as Humphrey wouldn’t be having any such nonsense.

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      2. Which reminds me that I think I was told as a lad that East Anglia’ can be cold because the wind blows straight across from the Urinals, that of course long before there was a “downstairs in Wetherspoons”.

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  4. “Delay Repay is my main source of income these days.”

    I just looked that up. Blimey! How do they make any money?

    “but visitors aren’t here for the quaint streets and the Cromwell and the Zion chapels.”

    (looks down)
    When did the Baptists merge with the Zions?

    “All this doom and gloom commentary about the High Street being dead seemed very daft.”

    Strangely enough my wife and I are noticing that in our town of 40,000. It seems to be busier than normal at this time of year.

    “But it was cold. Bitingly cold. I needed to be indoors for 2 hours, and the only spare room in the house was in the lovingly unreconstructed sports bar.”

    They say winter may be a tad chillier this year, due to La Nina or some such?

    “but seeing the pool/billiard room I recalled bringing Simon here as recently as Christmas 2018,”

    (looks down at Si’s face)
    Judging from that photo I doubt Si remembers. 😊

    “but today even the Greene King clips are turned.”

    Ouch!

    “I go for Guinness, but the glasses are in the dishwasher, and you can’t split the G in a San Miguel glass.”

    Aha! You’re one of those.
    (doesn’t that take a fair bit of Guinness drinking to perfect?)

    “Hey, what’s this Danish craft beer ?”

    (looks down)
    You leg puller you.

    “If I drink 10 more I get a free one. Some of the other customers are clearly thinking the promotion expires tonight.”

    (slow golf clap)

    “Will the pool table be the last thing to demand coins ?”

    I was thinking ‘jukebox’ but everyone will be streaming from their phone on Bluetooth or whatnot before the decade’s out.

    “My Carlsberg, possibly a first since the Copenhagen brewery tour in 1996, is better than expected,”

    I did that tour in January of 1981! There was only six of us (it being winter) and they asked us all where we were from. At the end of the tour they had free beer (of course!) and a small luncheon layed out, and they had a small flag of every country us tour folk were from on the table. It was a great tour!

    “and then suddenly realise it’s 3pm and I haven’t eaten all day.”

    Avoid the chicken nuggets!

    Cheers

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    1. No, definitely not one of those Guinness G splitters. Too big a gulp for me and I’m not a sipper either !

      Zion Baptist churches are a fairly mainstream branch of Baptist churches. I attended one in Cambridge briefly.

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